Guest
I am the partner of an addict and I have been coping with this for the past two years. The past couple of days I have been having a terribly hard time sticking by him. He's not being honest and I just have so much built up anger that I can't stand even looking at him. I don't know what to do. Nothing I could possibly say would mean anything to him. I feel alone in this relationship, but I am too afraid to let go because I would feel guilty leaving him to deal with this problem without me. How do I know when it's time for me to leave? Am I being selfish by leaving?
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I've started having panic attacks and I know that I'm at the point where I need help. The only problem is that he is the one that I've learned to lean on these past six years. He's my best friend.
Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone already been through this? Is there still hope?
Yes, there is still hope. As harsh as this is going to sound you have to let him go on his own to deal with his demons before his demons infuse you. I actually just recently went through this with my husband. The lies, manipulation, theft, etc…was just too much for me to deal with any longer. I knew that his drug use was destroying him but now it was destroying me too. I had tried everything…kindness & understanding, tough love, everything…Finally I had to fall back on my own experiences with addiction. I could not stand to leave him but I was no longer willing to let him destroy me. So, I told him that I was done! He was to leave and I hoped that he was happy with the choice he had made by using. 2 days later he was in an inpatient program…by his own choice not mine…and he is now home, going to meetings, has a sponsor, going to counseling & therapy and doing really well. He tells everyone that I saved his life by when I told him that I had to save my own life from him. You are not being selfish…he is being selfish for letting you believe that you need to live this way. Like I said…it sounds harsh & I certainly don't mean to sound unfeeling, I do know how you are feeling. To let go of the one you love is very hard to do and is heartbreaking but hopefully he will see that you are more important then the choices he is currently making. Do I promise that you will get the same results that I got from my husband…I wish I could but I can't. I can just tell you that as much as you love someone you have to love yourself more. Hope this helped & didn't hurt:)
I just read something that was posted on another message board. It may help for you to read it. It was originally written by an addict and being a recovering addict myself as well as my husband I can vouch that there is a lot of truth to it. Go to the message boards and then go to Readings & Sayings…the title that you are looking for is "If you love me…let me fall" about the 4th one down.
Thank you so much for your response. It means a lot to hear from those who have gone through this before. I've let go of this relationship and he seems to be doing better. He's working full time and as far as I know he isn't using. My struggle now is whether or not I can allow him back into my life. We keep in touch, but allowing him back into my life terrifies me because I always will have that fear of relapse. How do you get past that fear without turning into a paranoid and overbearing person? I don't want to become that person, but I lost my closest friend to this disease 5 years ago and still can't help but think that if only I had been more protective of him or more questioning of what was really going on, maybe he'd still be alive. That probably sounds ridiculous but I can't quiet these thoughts. I probably should just move on, but it's hard when he continues to keep in contact. He pulls me back in every time because he's been my best friend for so many years.
1 Guest(s)