Almost at the end of my rope|What does it really mean to \"let go with love?\"|Message Boards|Nar-Anon Chat™

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Almost at the end of my rope
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3 Posts
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March 17, 2016 - 12:36 pm

Hello, I'm Kelsey. I have been in a relationship for the past year and a half with my boyfriend who is an addict. The first time he did this and it blindsided me was last March, when he went missing. Several people reached out to me to ask if I knew where he was and of course at the time I didn't know he was an addict. When he got out of detox he went to live in Florida, messing up all of our plans that we had. I moved back from Louisiana to Texas where I am now attending grad school. While in Florida he became homesick and wanted to be closer to me. He moved back in with his parents. In October, he was working and he started getting sick and couldn't go into work, again he went missing for days and again I took him back. He went to detox and moved to a new city to get away from it all, so needless to say I had to change once again my plans for grad school. We have been doing the long distance thing since October with me moving there in May. So once again, he goes missing, he went into detox last Friday only to leave the place on Sunday. He contacted a friend at a sober living house and asked for help. So again since Monday, he is back in Detox, this time at a center that is miles away from anything. I haven't heard from him since Monday evening before he went in to treatment. I'm at the point now I just don't know what to do anymore and not sure how much more I can handle things. I have found he has been on OkCupid (dating website) since at least October, with pictures he has taken for me. I have asked if he would ever cheat on me and his reply is always no I wouldn't ever think about that, you are the one for me. I don't believe anything he says, I don't trust him. I need some advice or just somewhere I can vent and get some help! Sorry for laying this all out on everyone. I just feel so beat down

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April 29, 2016 - 5:11 pm

[i] I don't believe anything he says, I don't trust him. I need some advice or just somewhere I can vent and get some help! Sorry for laying this all out on everyone. I just feel so beat down….[/i]

Hi Kelsey….I think that lying may be huge part of the disease. A friend was telling me yesterday that trust has to be earned. In f2f meetings and other Nar-Anon support groups members all talk about the lying.

Being blindsided is a very traumatic experience. Maybe invest your time in you…Good luck and best wishes

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October 12, 2017 - 8:45 pm

I'm going through something similar..except I married this person, thinking things would change..sadly I now realize they won't

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October 12, 2017 - 8:57 pm

If you need someone to talk to text me 630 465 7707..Lord knows I do

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January 11, 2018 - 4:35 pm

I feel your heartbreak. I am an Australian living in the uk =. feel in love with someone who blindsided me and I never realised how bad things were. We are married as my visa was coming to an end and I thought we could use more time so we could fix things promised me things would get better now its a new year but the same issues. I am so alone I'm isolated I have lost friends I have lost jobs because of him his in total denial I cry every day without fail his taken all the good out of me, I love him so much but I cant do this anymore – he goes missing turns his phone off sitting in these awful houses with these awful people who just rinse his money I do everything for me – his ripped my heart out how do you let go

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January 13, 2018 - 9:21 am

I am new to this site. My 22 yr old son checked himself out of Sober Living with no plan for what next. He was homeless a few days until he admitted himself to Rehab. It is less than 2 weeks later and he has left Rehab to be homeless again- all this after being clean for more than 6 months. It is so bizarre watching him slip away.

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February 5, 2018 - 2:52 pm

[quote][b]Quote from Emmauk on January 11, 2018, 16:35[/b]
I feel your heartbreak. I am an Australian living in the uk =. feel in love with someone who blindsided me and I never realised how bad things were. We are married as my visa was coming to an end and I thought we could use more time so we could fix things promised me things would get better now its a new year but the same issues. I am so alone I'm isolated I have lost friends I have lost jobs because of him his in total denial I cry every day without fail his taken all the good out of me, I love him so much but I cant do this anymore – he goes missing turns his phone off sitting in these awful houses with these awful people who just rinse his money I do everything for me – his ripped my heart out how do you let go[/quote]

Omg! I so feel your pain and Despair.. I am like you I love my guy so much also but can't take this anymore.. the lies and some are very believable.My guy has also disappeared on me and left me worried and wondering where he is and yes turns his phone off, makes me so angry.I also imagine he being in dirty drug locations and having sex with dirty gay guys as he is bisexual and also suffers sex addiction.I totally hate this part of my life.My guy wants help and he doesnt use daily it is early stages for him on the drugs but he is a recovering addict from before we met 16 yrs ago.I am unable to let go also as I cannot support myself financially and rely on him to much for that.

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