I'm new here and really need some support. My brother has been an addict since I can remember. He started using when he was 12, he's now 42 years old. He spent almost 5 years in prison while I cared for his daughter from 3 to 7 years old because her mom was also an addict. Through the years my family and I have taken in 5 kids of family members due to various dysfunction of some sort.
My brother was released from prison and proceeded to live a clean productive life for 12 years. He got married (to a former addict) and about a year ago they started using again. I realized that things were spiraling after they had been using about 3 months, I hadn't seen the signs before that.
My struggle is this. I realize I am powerless over their choices and addictions. I've let go of that. I am not affected emotionally by their words or irrational behavior. What I struggle with is the loss of control over the consequences their kids and the rest of us have to suffer. My niece saw the signs and asked to come live with us this past January. Then two weeks ago they dropped off their 5 year old son. Beautiful kids caught in this crazy pained life of addicted parents. I love them and we will do what we need for them, however, the anger and resentment of it all has just consumed me and my husband. I find him making passive aggressive comments towards the kids or around them. I know he feels and believes the same way I do, but it all just feels so overwhelming. I'm 46 years old. I have 3 grown children that are wonderful and 2 teen boy still at home of my own. We've had one other niece and nephew live with us 3 different times. Now we have these 2 kids added. I know I sound incredibly selfish, but seriously I cannot fathom starting from scratch and still be raising kids when I'm 60 years old. That part of no having control I'm struggling to grasp. There is no other family members. We are it. I would never consider letting them go to foster care, won't happen. So here we are, no control over the hand we've been dealt. No choice of our own, not a real choice.
I honestly feel like I've been given a life sentence of my own. Forever the clean up person. Don't get me wrong, I don't pick up pieces of any other kind for my brother and sister in law. Just the kids, but that is a huge weight that is so heavy right now sometimes I think I can't breath.
I live in a rural area where there are no meetings close by. I found this site and thought I'd learn here. Thanks for listening.
Hi. I just joined and saw your message, even though I think you posted it almost one month ago. I can tell from your story that you are absolutely NOT selfish! You must be absolutely exhausted taking care of so many people! Those kids are blessed that you are there to help them and I hope you can find some help. Have you discovered the online chat? It is a different "tab" but still on the same Nar-Anon webpage. They have "meetings" on that chat three times a week. I know there is one on Monday and I think the others are Thursday and maybe the other one is Saturday. Monday's was at 9 pm ET, I think the others are too. I'll leave you with the Serenity Prayer which is helpful to me, no matter how often I hear it. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I hope you can make connections and (if I can figure out how), I'll look for any reply from you.
Hi. I just joined and saw your message, even though I think you posted it almost one month ago. I can tell from your story that you are absolutely NOT selfish! You must be absolutely exhausted taking care of so many people! Those kids are blessed that you are there to help them and I hope you can find some help. Have you discovered the online chat? It is a different "tab" but still on the same Nar-Anon webpage. They have "meetings" on that chat three times a week. I know there is one on Monday and I think the others are Thursday and maybe the other one is Saturday. Monday's was at 9 pm ET, I think the others are too. The chat is open 24/7 at other times.
I'll leave you with the Serenity Prayer which is helpful to me, no matter how often I hear it. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I hope you can make connections and (if I can figure out how), I'll look for any reply from you.
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