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[b]IF YOU LOVE ME, LET ME FALL[/b]
IF you love me let me fall all by myself. Donât try to spread a net out to catch me, donât throw a pillow under my ass to cushion the pain so I donât have to feel it, donât stand in the place I am going to land so that you can break the fall, (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of me).
Let me fall as far down as my addiction is g…oing to take me, let me walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the pit….trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you canât see it.
The sooner you stop saving me from myself, stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me…..The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours….the sooner I will arrive….and on time….just right where I need to be…me, alone all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead…resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one.
If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for a while, I am free to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top. In the beginning as I start to climb out….I just might slide back down, but donât worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I make it out safe and sound. Donât you see?? Donât you know?? You canât do this for me…I have to do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever supposed to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well. It is my burden to carry, not yours. I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do is because you donât know what to do and you act from your heart and from knowledge of what is best for me….but if you truly love me, let me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good. Donât clip my wings before I can learn to fly….nudge me out of your safety net….trust the process.
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If anyone knows who wrote this kindly please let me know. I would like to give credit where it's due. Thank you!!! 🙂
This quote is how I am living with my addict and I am the one enabling. A 30 year history is hard to let go of… I don't feel strong enough to leave and I am getting sicker by staying. What I live with is known; living without addiction is the unknown for me. I pray for/need courage and strength.[quote][/quote]
This is very powerful. My son told me to let him fall the other night. I keep getting te image off the song "Rock A bye Baby" and the baby is rocking in the tree and the bough breaks and I have my hands out there………waiting to catch him……..and instead I pull my arms away and the baby falls. But my baby is bigger and stronger than me and even if I lefft my hands out there……..he would fall through them. Neeeds to fall through them? Its a bit of my struggle.
Definitely a true read.. and so my life with my relationships , first my marriage with the father of my 2 now adult kids and now with my commonlaw 16 yr relationship. So sick of it was happy to be freed from the first marriage and its addictions and hold over my life to later as in 6.5yrs later to end up in the same boat and much more intense going from an addiction of alcoholism in the marriage to now a spouse that is a sex addict( bi sexual)to drug addiction.I so want this to either end or be free of the hold it has over me. I know that I have to go thru these 12 steps and are new to this forum and this type of help so I know I have to look after me and break free of his addictions because I cannot control him as much as I try I cannot change him he has to fall on his own and see for himself.
Brandibred,
When in the center of the commotion of addiction, it can easily feel like you "helping" is keeping your addict alive. I felt that way at times too. Through this website, I have learned a great deal about addiction and how to help without enabling (which is a really fine line). I encourage you to spend some time in the chat room and attend the online meetings here or face-to-face if there is a meeting in your area. Taking the initiative to learn and being open to the information has changed my life and can change yours too. One of the most important lessons I learned was that I had to help myself in order to stop enabling and actually help my addict. I hope to see you in the chatroom soon 🙂
I watched my son stop breathing during his overdose. He survived, but soon after that he was back at my door after using. It was at that moment I had to choose myself. I told him I loved him and shut the door. He screamed at me through the door. "I hated him", "I am sending him to his death"… I have never been so scared or heartsick. We did not speak for over 4 months. He refused to answer my calls, texts. I was so worried and scared for him, but after a few weeks, I noticed that the pure terror I had been living with for years was not so in my face. I was able to laugh and go out with my friends without calling home. I was beginning to feel whole again. He slowly started to answer my calls and I found him angry but willing to talk. He survived and carved out a life for himself. He is still in crisis, however I am still remaining detached with love.
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