My emotions are all over the place. How did I get to this place in my life, in my marriage? I'm 56, married for 25 yr's with 2 young adult daughters. Looking back I feel like my marriage has been so full of lies and deceit. I love my husband but am I "in love" anymore? He had dabbled in drugs prior, but I didn't see any signs of addiction. He did have an issue when the girls were younger but he stopped doing cocaine on his own. It was a while later that he went away on business to work in another state. That's when he started doing crack cocaine which he now tells me was everyday! I decided not to divorce and told him he needed to straighten out his life and get help. It took well over a year for him to start going to celebrate recovery and have the desire to get clean. The problem is he is having trouble and can go about 30 days, then he disappears for the day or evening and I am sick emotionally and physically because I know he is out getting high. He says he wants to be healed of this disease but since he's just earnestly begun the program, it is difficult. I've been thru all the emotions, sad, hurt, angry, worried, etc. I play in my mind should I separate emotionally or physically.I'm currently learning I should have boundaries and seeking help for myself. I can't find a physical nar alon group in my area, so I'm hoping to find help here in the forums and chats.
Hello…. I am new here too. I am the wife of a cocaine addict. Itâs been years and years of failed rehab attempts and rollercoaster rides. I am seeking the same thing you are, support from people that know how it feels.
Hopefully I can figure out WHY i continue to care when he is out of my house? I have peace and financial independence but still worry for him. He just recently left the rehab facility he was living in to rent a home with addicts he met at the program. He admittedly is getting high and drunk again. He is angry at me and claims I am the worst wife in the planet for setting boundaries. I just canât see why I care anymore….
I hope we both gain some knowledge and get through this. Itâs nice to meet you.
Thanks for replying to my post. Even though I am still married and he is in the home with me, I totally understand your question of "why do I still care". Especially since he also cheated on me, is bipolar, and has jeopardized us financially. I guess my answer would be because I'm afraid for him. Not "of" him..he has never been violent. I set boundaries not just for him, but for myself so I don't get lost in his addiction. I realize I have no control, so then I question what exactly is the best way to handle this problem. Right now I have emotionally detached from him. I really don't know that our marriage can be saved, so I take it one day at a time. To make matters worse, I am stage 4 cancer and living on chemo which is stress enough on its own. I'm not sure how much more I'm able to handle. I am a believer, and I find my comfort and strength through God, but I'm human so I have times when I feel this is to much to bare. You are very brave to be able to say enough is enough and live your life the way you deserve. I hope I can make the right decisions, and that we both find knowledge and comfort in these chats. We need support as much as they do!
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