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April 8th:
"There can be great value in examining the past. It can offer information about the present, as well as clues that might help us make changes for a better future. For those of us who denied, distorted, or lost touch with painful memories, facing the reality of our past can be a critical part of our Al-Anon (or Nar-Anon) recovery. Fond memories must also be recognized if we hope to look back in a realistic way.
Still, it is important to remember that the past is over. We are powerless over what has gone before. Although we can take stpes to make amends, we cannot change the fact that we have harmed others. And we cannot change the fact that others have harmed us. We have only the power to change this present day.
The best use we can make of the past is to face it and then move on. We can certainly learn from all that we have experienced, but we mustn't let it hold us back from living here and now."
–Courage to Change, pg. 99
Hello, my name is Leilani. This is my favorite page on letting go in "Courage to Change." I myself find it hard to let go frequently, as I just broke up with my ex girlfriend May 2014 who is now a recovering heroin addict. Unbeknownst to me, she was using heroin in my home, and without my knowledge for about 6-8 months, and that was after her addiction to Oxycotin. My "letting go" was the most painful and tormenting experience ever for me: after seeing her go through 2 detox facilities, 3 rehabs, and 1 SLE, and only actually completing 1 rehab out of everything, I couldn't take the pain any longer. I lost myself, and lost what it meant to be "me." I didn't know how to have fun anymore, which is slowly but surely coming back.
Now that we are not together anymore, it still bothers me from time to time to think of her; she was my everything, my love. She still wants to be in a relationship with me because she loves me, and a part of me will always love her for who she was. Letting go is to release that pain and torment with LOVE. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let the one you love go, and explore the world by themselves and make their own choices. I am still grieving over her loss; it's like losing a part of you that was so deeply embedded. Its still hard for me to think of the past and all its good and bad times, but it's healthy in a way to experience the feelings that come along with the memories, so we know that we can handle them. I am engaged to someone else now, and still the thoughts of being in that toxic relationship haunts me and pokes its head in my current relationship to try to cause havoc. It's a daily struggle.
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