I have been fighting my sons addiction for 19 years. He's 35. I'm 58. So hard to believe it has been that long. Multiple inpatient, outpatient, detox, jail, sobriety, relapse. He is sweet, kind, contagious laugh, personable, fun, spiritual,loving, smart, hardworking…and a liar, manipulative, a thief, undependable, without a soul, selfish, self-centered, reckless,uncaring. Heroin has control of which son I see. I hate heroin. I have moments when I hate my son and the lengths he has gone to for heroin. I am tired . I just want to succomb to the hopelessness, Just accept heroin into my family. Stop agonizing over the devastation, the havoc it has created in my life. My son's life. My granddaughters life. My daughters life. It has damaged not only my son, but everyrone whoe loves him…and me. I am told I need to seperate myself from my son. To stop fighting heroin and begin to fight for my life. To fight for myself. Continue to love him. How does a mother do that?
Welcome pamp,
One of the hardest things I had to learn was to detach with love. I have learned to hate the disease yet still love my addicted loved ones. Detachment doesnât mean abandonment or not caring. It means asking myself if the behavior is coming from the disease or the individual. I had to ask myself what part I was playing in the chaos, drama and pain.
When learning to detach Nar-Anon teaches us (from the Nar-Anon blue pamphlet on detachment):
⢠Not to allow ourselves to be manipulated or controlled by another person;
⢠Not to accept others responsibilities;
⢠Not to stand in the way to prevent a crisis;
⢠Not to provoke a crisis;
⢠Not to make excuses, cover up or take the blame for others;
⢠We care enough not to care;
⢠Not to be personally offended by the addict. We can look past the drugs and see another human being who has the disease called addiction which is caused by drugs. We learn compassion.
Nar-Anon doesnât teach us to give up on our addicted loved ones. It teaches us to live and let live, detach with love, set and maintain our personal boundaries, and much more.
If you are interested in finding out more please attend some of our online meetings or join us in the chat room just to chat with people who understand what you are going through.
Yours in service and friendship,
Annie
Never look down on someone unless you're leaning over to help them up.
That feeling of complete hopelessness is what brought me here too! And your title, "succomb or fight" is exactly how I felt! I had trouble trying to come to the realization that I had to "abandon" my addict. But thanks to the wonderful people on this site, I am gaining my sanity back while still loving my addict 🙂
I am in the chat room often if you ever want to chat. I know it is hard to believe that anyone else could possibly understand (I felt that way in the beginning), but it is amazing how many people are truly affected by the world of drugs. It is so unfortunate, that so many continue to suffer of silence. Breaking my silence here was the best thing I have ever done 🙂
Hope to chat with you soon…
Heartbroken 🙂
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