Nar-Anon Chat™

Hi I’m Laura, I’m new here. I’ve been to two meetings, one right before COVID shut everything down, and one on here on Monday night. I recently talked to a friend about some of my struggles and I guess she decided that the prudent thing to do would be to report everything I’ve told her and likely much, much more to my 65 year old dad. I”m 36. I moved out of my parents house at age 17, have lived a full life since then. Anyone on here who has any understanding at all of what it’s like to live with an addict can imagine the shame and humiliation I feel, just knowing that my most private thoughts, my angriest moments, all have been shared with my dad. What an inappropriate thing to do, right? What was her goal, to shame and humiliate us both? Supposedly she “prayed” about it. For three weeks. That’s how long she plotted my betrayal. She also shared some things with a mutual friend. This is the cruelest, coldest, most hurtful thing anyone could possibly have done. I’m very proud, and I’ve always protected my parents as best I could. Like I don’t share my troubles with them. I let them think that everything is happy and perfect. His addiction isn’t their business, nor is my response to it. This is OUR fight.
The worst part? She’d encouraged me to talk to my parents about it before, I assumed in response to me telling her I hadn’t really had the opportunity to make any local friends. Well I have met people, of course, but you know, nothing I’ve really grabbed on to. So I was telling her I’m kind of lonely I guess. I didn’t tell her I was unhappy. She told me, about 8 months ago, that there was something wrong with my life because my fiance is an addict. SHE is an addict. So I thought she was telling me, you know, as a friend, don’t date someone like me. I didn’t realize she was judging me and deciding, according to my dad, that I, a grown adult who has been on her own for 20 years, needs to move back in with her parents. Permanently, according to my dad, so I can take care of him. Sorry, take care of his home while he travels. He’s perfectly healthy, retired early, and should have no complaints. Except apparently now I’m this big complaint.
He’d JUST called me that morning, the morning I found out about what my ex-friend had done. He has this real problem with my fiance not bringing me to visit, and he thinks I need to come by myself. Now, post-ex-friend, I guess he’s abusing me or something and I need not just to move back in with my parents, but I need to let them hire me a car so I can sneak out of here undetected. Are you fucking serious. This girl has scared my parents.
So I told my dad, hey, is she harassing you? I mean, is she messaging you repeatedly? Because I’ll call the police and report her for harassment. Because now she’s done more than just taken my emotions, she’s obviously making things up. There’s no domestic violence going on here. There’s a person afflicted with addiction, and the woman he loves trying to stop him. That’s it. Obviously this former friend thinks I’m incapable of taking care of myself. Like I couldn’t leave if I really wanted to. Like I would need my parents help, or like I would want to live there. I’d get my own apartment if things were that critical. I’d get a job. I’d tell HIS family, I’d get them to help me. They live here and they know everything. So it’s not like we have no support. It’s not like I’m not capable of working and living on my own as I always have. I guess this religious fanatic really has the biggest problem with my living with my fiance and not being married. She thinks women need to stay with mommy and daddy until they get married. What an ass. Not only is she sexist as fuck, but she had kids with her husband before they were married. She’s the biggest hypocrite alive!!! She’s practically a crazy person. God has assigned her a PERSONAL mission, right? She’s a fucking rat!!!