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Separated from husband of 8 years, not sure what to do
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1 Posts
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March 29, 2019 - 1:18 pm

Hi everybody,

I've been married to my second husband for 8 years, and I had no idea he was an addict until recently. I have four children, all mine from my first marriage, ages 12-17. My husband is addicted to alcohol, pain pills and weed. I started discovering things and uncovering lies that escalated to kicking him out of the office after I could not tolerate the using and lies. He is in treatment with the VA, not going to meetings and living with his hyper-enabling and codependent sister and her family. He is currently in jail in another state, serving time for two DUI felony warrants that he's been dodging for over 10 years. He calls me and says that he'll do anything to make our marriage work, but in the same breath says he understands if we can't reconcile. I'm a God-fearing woman and I've done everything I can to show forgiveness and love and I just don't feel like reconciliation is possible, especially since he's not really any different…still justifies his using ("it was only a little bit"), lying to people and manipulating them, etc. I'm broke because he kept losing his jobs and I'm keeping our whole lives afloat while he's "dealing" with his addiction. It's extremely difficult not to be resentful towards him, and I will confess that it seems crazy to me that everything is focused on him, and everything that he has done that destroyed my family is covered by the umbrella of "well, he's an addict, so it's not his fault". So, he just walks on his responsibilities and failures and I have to pick up the pieces and deal with the fallout? I'm going to lose my house, have to uproot my kids and pay all these bills and keep working to support my family, and he's just going to walk away with nothing to deal with. It seems totally unfair and I am having a hard time getting past it right now. Without Christ in my life I would be a total basketcase. I trust in God to sort this out…I just don't know what to do. I feel nauseated just being around him, and he says that he doesn't see how we can work on our relationship if we're separated. Seriously? I'm not bringing him back in my house, and I don't even know how to list out what would have to happen for that to be a possibility! I just don't know what to do. All I am sure about is that I can't trust him at all, and I don't think we can reconcile without major, major changes and work. I just don't know, and I feel scared about my future, but even that anxiety is better than living with him under the same roof. Please help.

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28 Posts
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March 31, 2019 - 8:20 pm

Come to the chatroom and meet some people and find some support!

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2 Posts
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April 29, 2020 - 9:06 pm

I understand I feel the same way about my husband. He has stolen from me, I hide my keys to my car and anything of value of mine. My son relationship with his father is horrible. I want him to leave but he wont because he don’t have no where to go and I feel trapped. I really understand. I wish it was a rehab we could go to so we can try to live a normal life. I need someone to talk to sometimes just to vent, however its always the same conversation and people are tired of hearing the same thing from hell I’m tired of hearing the same thing from me.

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