My name is Susan. My husband is an opiate abuser.
I feel I needed to reach out, because the secret is so hard for me to carry anymore. I've been carrying this for 6 years, and have talked to no one.
Friends, family, no one knows.
He is addicted to Oxycontin, prescribed by a doctor 6 years ago.
I live a secret life , and no one knows anything about our real life inside the home. I hide the pain very well. I don't want friends and family to know the life I live, and the pain I carry. Therefore, I don't socialize much.
Of course, he denies that he has a problem. Has doctors convinced that he needs it for back pain from surgery 6 years ago. Refuses to try other options that doctors have recommended, etc.
He is the shell of a man that I married 10 years ago.
He no longer knows life outside of pain medication, and the side effects of the pain medicine are horrible. "It's your imagination", he tells me.
6 years of carrying this is such a long time. I have become so sad, depressed and bitter. I don't know how to leave or how to get the strength to leave.
I know, this is something that many of you have heard over and over again. Same old story.
I just got the nerve to reach out to someone, anyone.
Oh my goodness Secret life. You and I lead parallel lives. I've been living with my husband for 10 years. He's been addicted to painkillers namely Vikoden and Oxicontin for the past 6. I hid it as best I could from everyone and still shield my 9 year old from his dad whenever he gets really bad. His excuse is the backpain. He does have degenerative bone disease and several slipped disks but hte painkillers take over our lives. I finally came online for help and joined a FB closed group for support. I have realized I have to either learn to disengage myself lovingly from him or leave him. The decision has my soul in turmoil. In the short time I've reached out for help, I can tell you I am so glad I did. ((((hugs)))
I, too, am the wife of an opiate user. My husband of 19 years first got Lorcet because of a back injury in 2007. I monitored what he took and when as long as I could. In 2010, he was sent to a pain management doctor because he said the medicine wasn't working for him amy longer. One visit to pain management, with no exam,nothing, he was sent home with a script for a time release morphine med. It's been a downward spiral since. He spent one week in a behavioral health facility in October of 2013 but claimed depression instead of telling them he was addicted to opiates. Then, the day after Thanksgiving this year, after 3 straight days in bed, he confessed he had been using stronger meds (Oxycontin, even injecting Dilaudid). When I asked how he got money for that he told me he had stolen checks from MY dad. The total ended up being $6800 in less than a month! Another week in a detox center and was sent home. He now seems to be still going through some acute and post acute withdrawal (yes, I have educated myself somewhat). He is still sleeping life away, missing things our kids are doing (our 17 year old son is a pretty basketball player for his high school and his dad is still missing big games). I have so much anger and resentment built up but I'm just not ready to give up on our marriage. Nobody around knows what I'm going through. I keep being told I have to support and encourage him, let him take his time because recovery is hard. I need support too! I've spent a couple of years pushing him to get help and it never worked so now, I'm going to work on me! Thanks for reading.
Thank you both for responding. For letting me know that im not out of my mind, and "imagining things".
My husband has been addicted for about 6 years also. Oxycontin. Ingermol, it sounds like we have the identical issue. Hopefulwife96, my husband also went to pain management, no exam, nothing and and walked out with a prescription the time released morphine. At one time, they gave him the Fentynal patch, etc and now he is back on Oxi.
Im lost and at my end.
Susan, right now my husband is 21 days clean. The first time he got clean, a little over a year ago, he stayed that way for a few months. He told me the day after thanksgiving that this time it all started again because he thought he could take one pill and be ok. It ended up worse than ever. He told me then he had been up to 20-25 Oxy's and dilaudids a day. Now, I feel like a prison warden. I had his phone disconnected and took away his car keys. He is not to talk to anyone on the phone (our land line) unless I know who it is with proof. He can not leave the house by himself. He has been sleeping ALL day today and from what I've been reading this is called post acute withdrawal. This is almost as hard as when he was using. We are so dosconnected and distant now. We used to be best friends and now, I don't even know him. I can't just give up though. The man I married is in there somewhere and seems to want to find his way back. Feel free to email me, it sounds like we could at least be there to listen to each other. ** you do not have permission to see this link **
Thanks Kim. My husband had a back injury at work 6 years ago, so workman's comp is paying for all of his medical expenses. He has been on everything imaginable over the past 6 years. Pain management hands it out like candy.
I don't recognize this man any longer. He is a completely different man than who I married. His mood is like a roller coaster, he is so sickly thin, and his outlook on life is blah.
Recently workman's comp reviewed his case which they do to everyone periodically. A dr they sent him to decided that he no longer needed treatment, etc so they cut him off. His meds stopped being paid for and he went through withdrawls. I begged him for the hundredth time to stay off them. He deceived me and went back on without being honest with me. After 6 years of verbal abuse, fighting, and hurting each other, I know that I need to let go. I hide everything from everyone and avoid subjects or I know I will break.
We are also distant and disconnected. And, we used to be best friends and deeply in love. I lost that man 6 years ago. It's like grieving a death. I have no one to talk to because I don't want anyone to know our secret.
Im so glad your husband is 21 days clean. Mine cannot see the problem and refuses to an acknowledge a problem. Therefore there is no 'clean' in our future.
I understand your pain. My husband is not on pain killer but street drugs. It has been horrible. He ended back on drugs after surgery for prostate cancer and has been battling ever since. He has been to rehabs, out patient but never completed the in house treatment, I am now working on myself realizing I cannot change his behavior and it is up to him. He will not totally surrender but continue to do things his way and keep failing. Once again he is in out patient treatment program his addiction had gotten worse. Still he does the same thing over again. Yes I have all keys but will walk to town to get the drugs.
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