When do you know it's time to give up on the marriage? I'm so tired of the lies, the mistrust, the stealing of money, the constant worry. This is not living, it is merely existing a so-called life. My husband and I already live apart for a couple of months now but we talk or see each other weekly yet his IV drug use has not slowed down despite my "leaving." This last week I had hit a bottom when he spent the last of his money on alcohol and spent the night throwing up. Since then, I have not seen him in person and have barely spoken to him on the phone. I do not know how to end it. We have been together for 12 years but in reality, the last 4 years, his main love has been his opiates-not me and not his children. I am trying to have faith and listen/look for signs but i would also like some guidance or advice. Is there anyone who has experienced something similar?
I left my marriage. For a long time everyone around me was telling me to get out. I simply wasnt ready. Making the decision to leave is a highly personal one. You are the only person who truly understands your marriage and what you are and are not willing to put up with. For me, it took 6 years to reach my "enough is enough" point. The whole time I was in this chatroom for support and personal growth. When I finally did leave, it sucked at first, but I soon realized that even though I was still lonely, it wasn't even close to as lonely as I felt being married. My husband and I were separated for years, and my separation didnt help or hinder his use. I had to find a way to accept that he needed to make changes and that I needed to focus on me. I ended up setting up "healthy boundaries" for myself and his kids (which I took custody of despite them not being my biological children). If he was using, he wasnt a part of our day to day existance. I gave him nothing financially or physically, and I regularly came to meetings here and free chatted when needed during the day. I am a million times better than I was 8 years ago when in your current shoes. I hope you take the time to come to the online meetings here and make some nar-anon friends. Things will not change over night, but with information, unconditional support, and a continual effort on your part things will start to change a little at a time 🙂
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