I was recently referred to as my friend's "New Co-dependent" by her boyfriend. I can say that this hurt. My friend and I are attempting a healthy friendship. Her newly sober and myself attending Nar Anon again in an attempt to work on my co-dependency and cope with her addiction in a healthy way. At least that was the way I was looking at it. I have found great pleasure in sharing with her what people do without drugs or alcohol.(Horseback riding, pedicures, fishing, reading, brunch with friendly conversations, target practice, etc.) Was enjoying having a friend. But now this backhanded comment has produced fear and suspicion in me. I am not a joke. Is that how I am being viewed instead of the good and decent person I really am? I am ready to walk away with hurt feelings because I don't want to fall into the trap of being used or manipulated at my friend's decided leisure. The comment has left me feeling very sad and kind of down on myself and ready to walk away for fear of playing with fire in pursuing such a friendship. Don't know if this attempt is really worth it.
Me personally I think you should set boundaries as far as your friendship goes. What I mean by that is still be a friend to her by all means if you feel comfortable doing so but as far as her addiction and what types of things her bf feel like are making you her codependent. How does she feel about what he has to say?
Thank you so much guys for the feedback. It was kind of awkward as her boyfriend introduced himself to me with "So, you must be so and so's new co-dependent". She has said nothing to me about the comment maybe out of embarrassment or what not. But I would hope that she would at least say something in my and/or her defense if not to me about the comment. What I have done so far has been in small ways to cultivate a friendship with a wonderful response but, I think it may be best for me to take a break for a while to rethink my part and whether this may be a truly healthy and beneficial relationship for me
Hi Wendy,
One of the best recovery sayings Iâve ever heard is âwhat you think of me is none of my business.â Meaning, if we keep the focus on ourselves it doesnât matter what someone else has to say about us. Please donât let the unsolicited opinion of someone else cause you to react negatively and walk away from a friend. Nar-Anon gives us many tools to help us change our lives for the better and establish healthier relationships with others. We have no control over what another person thinks, says or the choices they make. Consider this as you continue to work on a healthier relationship with your friend.
Yours in service and friendship,
Annie
Never look down on someone unless you're leaning over to help them up.
Thank you so much Annie. This was definitely something that I needed to hear and have to work on learning again. Everyone's opinion of me is my business and it doesn't feel so good most of the time. I may just make this saying my personal positive reading for the day:) in my quest to refocus my attention on myself;) Thank you:)
Sincerely
Wendrew
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