So approx 6 weeks ago, 24 yo son got arrested with heroin, he then told me he had a problem, and didnt know how to tell us. Embarrassed, why i am a retirned detective, this doesnt happen in my family, but it is. Angry- Why he is smart, shattered how can i have been so stupid. Scared, i dont want my son to die from and OD. We sent him, willingly to an out of state facility, 1-wk detox and 30 day intreatment program. I went to visit him, although i met with him for an 2 hrs i wanted him to understand we love him and are behind him.
He comes home tomorrow, he sound great, put on 20 pds. But i am a mess, scared, frustrated, anxious, i wake up nightly and walk the house. I have prayed, dreamed that this will be behind him and it gets easier for him, but i am a self contained, bottled up mess. Takes alot to keep it all in, and handled. I cant talk about this without falling to pieces and continue to blame myself for failing to see it right in my own home. I work alot of hrs which helps, but the nights are tough. Therapist when i visited said i should attend a meeting, but for now, this will do. Maybe i can attend a chat room, if someone can explain how this works, i really appreciate it in advance. I apologize for making any remarks which anyone deems flagrant. I say a prayer for all dealing with this affliction for their complete recovery and to ease their families who feel like i do, cause i cant be the only one. Thanks you all in advance, if someone can recommend or steer me in the right direction when he comes home. Bless you all
Going to your first face to face meeting can be scary but wold also recommend it. My counselor also recommend I read some literature on addiction & recovery. I was surprised how much information I was able to find on amazon. The addict in my life is my husband, one of the sayings that helps me the most are the 3 C'… I didn't Cause it, I can't Control it, I can't Cure it.
thanks very much Katzll, hope i find something that helps me as well. Prayers for his recovery and healing for you both. What keeps reverberating in my mind is that I am the father, i am the protector of the family, i should have known this was occurring, and how can i relate to him when he comes home, which is now delayed due to hurricane. I am so fearful of the worst case scenario, as having lost a sister 37 years ago to drugs(believed to be no autopsy done) I dont want to smother him, but i want to keep him safe. If something happens to him, which i could have changed i will never forgive myself. These are the scenarios that keep replaying in my mind, which i try to keep grips on. (i know i sound like a mess) but its not about me its about him and his sobriety. He really does sound so good on the phone, more mature, and self aware. Thank you again for your reply
The topic of a recent meeting was "let go and let God". This has always been a hard one for me, I'm a "do'er". The one thing I have been able to let go of because of this program is playing the what if game in my head. "If I go through his phone I'll know, if I know I can stop it." Just letting go of that, what if, has brought me so much calm and peace in my brain. Even if I did know… I can't Control it, I can't Cure it. Feel free to message me anytime!
K thanks for the explanation and knowing what i meant by " a leap of faith". I dont know if the addict is your child is it the same as a friend or husband, i mean i always said if one of my children ever had a drug problem i would handcuff them to a chair. I remain so confused, frustrated, and just not well. all this despite the fact he come home last night, he looks amazing, put on weight, he is joking and talking. i had to stop him and told him, i am so glad this son is back, i havent seen him for so long and i missed him, i hope he stays around for ever. he immediately knew what i mean. if he looks so good why do i feel so broken. i feel like a bottled up dervish weighting to explode, Again thanks so much for your response, and listening and guidance, please enjoy your weekend
My addict is my husband (we have 3 children), his drug of choice is smoking meth. He has (supposedly) been clean for almost 3 months but he has not been working the program, what we call a dry drunk, some days I see the man I married and that's what keeps me hanging on. There are also days "the monster" comes out and I retreat to meetings, readings and lots of repeating slogans in my head. I am so, so glad you have your "son" back, I hope he sticks around! 🙂
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