Greetings fellow NarAnon's,
I am finding it very difficult to write abot what's going on in my life right now because it seem;s so overwhelming. I don't really know where to begin. Yesterday I wrote such a long out line of what's going on and then my computer lost connection to internet due to rainy weather and I lost entire introduction.
So I'll start again but will keep it simple.
I am a woman with four angry adult children. two boys, two girls, ranging in ages of 32, 30, 28,25. All of them have been slapped with the addiction genes that run on both sides of our family. from alcoholism to heroin use, abusing prescriptions,and any type of drug they can get their hands on.
I had to have my 25 yr old daughter move out due to her irrational and violent behavoir towards her step dad and me. I am always walking on egg shells as to not provoke her. she has been using drugs now for approx. 10 yrs she says.
It all started in 8th grade smoking marijuana she told me. I had no idea. she used to climb out her bedroom window when I was sleeping and go out to party.
she must have nine lives because she told me she's overdosed and then was raped the time in a public bathroom at a gas station. I''m sure there are multiple other horror stories she's experienced. she's crashed all her cars that she purchased thru working. she can't keep a job due to her manic behavior, she lost her apartment, she's lost her dignity. IT's only getting worst each time I see her and it's breaking my heart. I fear I am going to lose her for good. she will shoot anything and take anything. that's how strong her addictive behavior is.
she turned on her older bother to dope just last month, and her girl freind which is her younger brothers ex girl friend and he's mortified over it. he asked me how to deal with an addict and how to get her to stop.
i have told him that HE has to change by accepting that we ourselves can do nothing to change the addict. we can stop being enablers if you're lucky enough to see that you are actually doing it.
I was just made aware that I am just addicted to each childs drama.
the other female child, age 31 is disabled due to multiple emotional illnesses and is a full blown alchoholic. she is considering going away for long time treatment but every time her b/f mentions it, she takes off and doesn't show up for days. she;s lost all her muscle mass in her legs and arms due to laying in bed all day every day just drinking her life away. she was hospitaliZed not long ago for pancreatitis, enlarged liver and low iron, malnutrition, etc. she's a mess. but still refused to give it up. she is beautiful and very artistically talented. she is my love bug.gentle hearted.
if she keeps this up, she won't live to reach age 40.
the eldest son became addicted to his rx meds. adderall, benzo's and now dope. from his sister who had him try it first by snorting it and then she injected it into him. he agreed of course and now he is full blown addicted.
he lost his job. and good paying one that happens to be right in the building where he lives. it could't get any easier than that.
his father is an alcoholic who had a stroke and is now handicapped and can't live with our eldest son anymore because he and his sister are sucking his money supply dry. for cigarettes and now dope. so he left and went to a psyhc unit at a VA hospital. now my son is calling me and texting me that he neeeds me to wash his dirty dishes, clean his filthy rooms, buy him food becaus he's starving and dehydrated, open his mail and organize it and help him fill out forms for assistance. he's a man now I told him.
MY dr. told me I have to lay down foundations to the four of them because they were calling and texting me at all hours of the night. they are like vampires I said. they stay up all night and sleep all day.
they're blaming me from leaving their father back in 1998 when I couldn't take my husbands abusive alcoholic behavior any longer. they understand now why I had to do what I did, but it's taken them a very long time to come back to me. the oldest one just did this year. we now have a so called realationship but it's a very sick one in deed.
our lives seemed perfect back then before the divorce and then all H– broke loose after that and each childs life has been a night mare from then on.
I want to help each one find their way back to a good healthy life but am finding it impossible to get each one to even listen. I keep repeating the same thing over and over. it is a vicious cycle and my therapist showed me how addicted i am to the ongoing drama of their lives.
I was told that this forum would be good for me. to help teach me how to cope and accept the things I cannot change. I've finally acknowledged that.
I too have am emotional illness that has effected my ability to work and live a so called normal life. it effected me for many many years without me knowing I had it. not until I sought treatment and got on medication did I become well enough so that my life could become more stable. The mother has to put the oxygen mask on first before the child if they're going down in a plane crash. so that's what I'm doing. Ive worked on my life for 15 yrs now. I too suffered addiction and dappled with it as a teen. the drinking and drugging scene. so I can understand what they're going through and not judge them.
the other son is an alcoholic and suffers with anger problems. but he's working on his life and is in treatment.
each child not only has addictive behavior but also got the genes for emotional illness as well. because not only do I have it, but we found out later in life their father had it too. and I blamed the failing marriage on myself. he was sick and I didnt' know it. besides the alcoholic addiction.
So you have a pretty good idea now of why I am here and would like to be part of this wonderful healing site. Sorry if my introduction was so long. but I did tell you it was overwhelming. thank you.
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