Hey, very much a newbie. I haven't used a chat site in 20 years. I am a married mom of 5. my husband and 3 of my children live with me in a small apartment. idk where to start other than I don't work outside the home, my husband does and he is an addict in denial. our issues abound and I am just tired of being depressed, esp. with little ones around. I feel we all deserve better, but surviving the day is hard enough. how do I even start to find my way out of this forest to some sense of well being and learn to smile again? I hope to join the group chat tonite. I hope this place can offer some help. I realize I must work on myself and not obsess over the addict. I would like to be able to set some boundaries with out enduring world war 3 or leaving, b/c I have no where to go and no money.
allalone 🙁
Today I realize that I'm still struggling with holding on to my LO. This takes me back to Step 1 and the need to accept my own powerlessness over addiction. It is a disease that alters my thought processes and priorities. It steals away joy and peace. It robs honesty and real intimacy. It confuses decisions, motives and perception. It is rigid and unyielding. It hides and seeks its own way. My life becomes unmanageable because I put so much of my focus on the addiction and my LO. I abandon my own life for these, but these are not mine. I cannot change the nature of addiction and I cannot change another person no matter how much I love them. I didn't cause it. Whatever the reason or cause my LO was this way when I met him. I cannot control it. Addiction is a disease process that affects mind, body & spirit and it is beyond my finite resources and outside my hula hoop. I cannot cure it. There is no forever cure for addiction. If it is beyond the best of us it is certainly beyond me. This disease can only be managed through a Higher Power and personal willingness to try. The process is an individual one that others cannot decide and the journey is different for each person.
I personally am affected by the family disease of alcoholism and addiction. When I obsess over another person my mind and life are crazy – I am not practicing serenity and surrender. When I let go and let God I am on my way toward serenity and sanity.
From my journal on 3/7/2017. I need this every day. Amanda
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