Hello,
this is my first time ever coming to a site like this. I didn't realise how many people are actually hurting from the same heartbreak I'm suffering. I'm 27 and in love with an addict. We are married but its not like it should be, we got married to say together so there has been pressure and strain on our relationship that hasn't helped. My husband's weakness is crack. It was never this bad but now its happening all the time for the last 7 months its been horrible.
Goes on benders and doesn't come home for days, turns his phone off- I'm not from the UK so don't have any family or really friends here. I live a double life and suffer from severe anxiety going out to make friends, when his on a bad bender I worry so much I struggle even getting up to go to work. Its like I have the addiction – its the worse feeling going through this.
I have lost friends and family back home because they don't understand how I can stay and make all these horrible decisions to be with this person. I have lost jobs- calling in sick cos i cant force myself to get up and deal with reality/life. I have had black eyes which have been from him on a horrible come down. i was such a happy positive people person and now i just want to isolate myself and hide.
i never really knew about crack until i met my husband, the people he hangs around or brings around the house – they use him cos he has the money he is so messed up in the head.
ive never felt so alone and sad then what i have been in the last year- he breaks promises and lets me down all the time- promises me how he is gonna change stop all this crap but never lasts more than 2 days –I'm so angry with him but myself for staying, ive tried to leave once booked flights home and got all the way to the airport for him to tell me he will kill himself if i leave. I'm humiliated my friends back home know because ive called them crying out of being scared and angry with him
nothing changes yet i still stay. its now a new year and the same shit is still going on – last night wanted to get crack had rotten people drop it under our doormat- this is what my life has become- i don't touch the stuff never have never will
my life is a mess and the longer i stay the more it goes to shit – why do i love this person so much, he doesn't have good in him his evil to the core
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