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Hi, my name is Cassandra and this is my last resort to find people who understand what I am feeling/going through.
I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. He is a recovering drug addict. When we first got together, he didn't tell me about his past but eventually he did about 3 months into our relationship. I didn't judge him of course, I have an Uncle who is in and out of prison for drugs/various things. My boyfriend is/was taking a Suboxone subscription to keep him off heroin. He was doing fine on it. Then we broke up and he used drugs. We got back together and he got a doctor for the Suboxone. One thing lead to another and he either had to buy the Suboxone off the street or find another doctor for this reason or another. We recently have gone through another bump in the road and he was asked to leave our apartment for awhile because our landlord (also my grandfather) didn't want to hear the fighting anymore… and he went to drugs again. He told me that it was only a few times when we were not together and that it was over when he moved back int our apartment. Now, he has told me he has been addicted to the Suboxone and needed to go to rehab for it. Once there, he called and told me that he has been using drugs since he was asked to leave the apartment and is actually not addicted to the Suboxone…. It crushed me. I have been dealing with all of this stuff with him…He has sold his things, MY things as well…I thought it was all for Suboxone but it hasn't been. He has been lying to me about where he is/who he is with/what he is there for. This whole time I have thought it was for Suboxone, but it has been for drugs.
He wants me to understand where he is coming from and that he has a problem and that he wants to change. I DO want to understand. I want to trust him. But how? I' am trying SO hard not to be mean, a bitch, THAT girlfriend who wants "rules" But how can I not? He gets so mad at me when I ask him questions but I don't know what else to do. How can I just sit and be quiet? I guess this is where I need my own help and find people who understand and can help with coping with HIS addiction. I don't know what else to do. I know I need to look out for myself, but I feel like I need to look out for him too, even though it is hurting me in the long run.
Thanks for reading..
Love, Cassandra
Put yourself first! Addicts will bring you down and really only care about themselves I know. My 30 year old daughter stole money ($500) from me, stole my lap top and wrote bad checks which she took from my checking account. Yes, it is very sad what the addict is doing to your life, but protect yourself. Do not live with him. I am so sorry you are going through this tough, tough time! Believe me, that best way to deal with a addict is not to deal with a addict.
You deserve to be able to expect to be treated right. He is an addict, he has a problem, so there is no sense in taking his behavior personally. Still, you don't have to accept it. Draw the line on what you are willing to accept in your life. And now that you know, don't put yourself in a position to be lied to. Maybe instead of thinking of it as having "rules" just think of it as your own bottom line. Regardless of how he may feel about you, he has to get himself together and he has to do that for himself. You really have very little to do with it.
Wow! Our stories are almost identical thank you for sharing. This is all new to me too. I have no where else to turn too. You actually gave me my first sense of comfort knowing I am not alone. I want to share you my story. I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years. He always had a problem but never really understood it and the last 2 years have been the worst. It got to a point where I had to leave because I was becoming an enabler. About a year ago he made the decision he wanted to change and really be the man I deserve and really take the steps to get clean. He has a problem with opiates and pain killers. So his brother agreed to pay for treatment and therapy and he started taking suboxone. He was doing great for about 3 months and then his brother stopped paying for his doctor and prescription because he wasn't doing what his brother wanted such as work related, and making amends with his family. I have known his family since I was a kid and they are VERY controlling and I don't get alone with them. There are a lot of issues with his father when he was a child and the reason he turned to drugs in the first place. His family is very toxic but it's his family and a very difficult situation.
When his brother stopped paying for the suboxone he said the same thing to me he needed to get it off the street. I believed him of course and who knows what the truth really has been the last 8 months or so. All I know is that I got really angry because I was put in such a financial burden because of him. I am the only one with a good job and a car and home. My savings disappeared I became late on the house and couldn't afford to pay the bills and I am a very responsible girl. I am angry with him. He withdrew my entire paycheck and it just crushed me. I got the whole I needed it for the suboxone and who knows what.
I decided very recently it's time to change my life because I can't keep doing this. I am so unhappy. His brother recently agreed he would help again with the suboxone and I told him I really appreciate helping but if he stops his therapy again I will turn to my family for help this time for his medicine only and put the card on file at the pharmacy so that's all he can do. His brother started doing that and the last month it has worked. He is getting his subxone like he is suppose to.
As for me I decided I wanted to be happy. I can't change what happened in the past with everything financially but I can start to change it around. He no longer has access to any accounts or money. I don't want to be that girlfriend where there are rules either I do want to trust him and believe he wants to change. He is now beginning to look for a job. Which is a big step. I separated all accounts and I'm not looking in the past. Taking my dogs out on long walks to the park. I made a date with my girlfriends the ones I have left just to go out. They don't know what I go through nobody does. It's embrassing for me so this is why I joined this group. It's nice to know I am not alone. Just trying to keep moving. Thank you for letting me share
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