Hi everyone, I am so very new to this. My 27 year old daughter told me a week ago that she has been on heroin for 7 years. I did not know because she is also diagnosed bi polar and anxiety disorder so I excused so many of her behaviours over the years because of her mental health. She is now living in a truck with her husband, who is also an addict, it is torture because I am trying to help them but it has been difficult. After I helped them yesterday with money, food, gas, cell phone connections my daughter said how much she hated me and I ruined her life, her wedding and accused me of hating her since she was 14 when this whole roller coaster started showing up in her life, she called me some pretty horrible names that really hurt and went right out of hand. I walked away and felt my heart close a bit to protect myself. It just all hurts so much, it gets hard to focus on my job and my life which I can't afford to let slide.
Kat66: I have only been on a couple meetings on chat. I am trying to take in other's experiences, some I can relate two directly. Having a child you have loved and raised suffer from addiction has to be so hard. I can only say that giving them money, food, etc has never seemed to work for anyone from listening to others. Learning how to work the steps and focus on your own life and sanity seems to be what the program is about. I am too new at joining to understand how yet. My sister died 3 years ago from an overdose of Methadone and Benadryl, her nine year old daughter was sleeping next to her when she died. I have taken guardianship of her daughter and her brothers who are both herion addicts have relapsed and are causing the usual craziness that comes along with the disease. My neice wants them around and in her life, she says they are a connection to her mother, she knows they use, but makes endless excuses for them. I feel trapped between not wanting to hurt her anymore then she has already been hurt and protecting her from being around or involved with her brothers who are on a path of destruction. How do you show love and some level of support to people you still love who are using and taking advantage of your love and concern. I think your daughter lashing out at you is more self loathing that comes with addiction. Try to focus on yourself and the understanding that you can not cure her by giving her things. You did not cause it, cannot cure it and cannot control it. Hang in there and keep coming back.
The hateful, hurtful things they say & do have definitely the hardest for me. One thing I did was read as much info as I could about the drug (in my case it's meth), how it effects the brain & body. For me it made it much easier to ignore & dismiss the comments, having a better understanding why the drug or come down makes them be nasty.
Glad you are here. Keep coming back.
Yes, all things I am trying to figure out too. It is so sad to watch them struggle and when they blame you for their lives and hate you while you are trying to help them it is soooo painful. I am just taking everything moment by moment and checking continually into my life so I do not destroy it, I keep reminding myself that I did not make the choice to live as a drug addict so I am learning to keep my balance. Good luck to you.
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