Hi. I am also new to this. I have an adult son (21yo) who is a habitual user but doesn't see how it affects him/us. To make matters worse, he's constantly dealing with the fact that he's adopted and doesn't feel he belongs to our family, although we adopted him as an infant. He doesn't work and he isn't finished with school yet but has decided to move out because we don't understand him. He's terribly unhappy here and is only happy when he's hanging out with his friends getting high. His exact words. Oh well…let go and let God. I pray about it all the time but it's still difficult and it still hurts all of us. Our 12 yo daughter is also suffering. Any words of wisdom that might help me stop beating myself up would be greatly appreciated…thanks for 'listening'. BTW: i live abroad and have a EST +6 time difference. cheers..sue
I am new to this form as well, my husband has had well over a decade of addiction to cocaine, we recently married a year ago and he's been trying to stay clean, I'm so tired of all the lies and manipulation . In the past anytime I confronted him about his cocaine use his lied and manipulated the situation to make me feel like it's all in my head, even though I had the facts to support my words, I would find bags of cocaine in his truck, multiple phone calls to his cocaine dealer , of course his erratic behavior when he's high he's super happy and everything's OK a day or two after being high he's very moody aggressive and confrontational. I recently discovered that he has been calling his cocaine dealer again and I also discovered a conversation between him and one of his friends about using cocaine the other night. Last night when I chose to confront him about The recent cocaine use that I was aware of, I didn't attack him or accuse him I simply asked him if he has been using cocaine while I'm not around, I set it so calmly and matter-of-fact that he does stared at me, he was very calm to you calmly walked over to the couch and sat down and looked me right in the eye and said what are the accusations going to stop, when are you going to get these negative thoughts out of your head, he said he's a 45-year-old man and a husband and a father, and that he's not into any of that stuff anymore, however I know for a fact that he has used cocaine or times within the last week. It's because I knew for a fact that he has that I was able to stand my ground, I just calmly stared at him in the eye and said no, stop I don't want to hear it you made a promise to me that you would stop, so it needs to stop ! He would start to ramble on about being accused of making it my fault and that none of this was real, and every time he did that I just quietly and calmly said I love you but that's not the truth … he asked me why don't I just leave him then if I think he's a big Coke head, I replied with it's because I love him and I think he's worth more than that, and I don't want to argue or get mad about the drug use I want to help him and I wanted to stop. He would just look away and not say anything. It was the first time that he didn't bite my head off, I told him I could by the look in his eyes that he was lying to me that I knew him better than that and that he could no longer lied to me. I kept asking him to look me in the eye and for a couple hours he kept quietly lying, but after a couple hours he stopped, he said to me when is all this going to stop when are all the accusations going to stop, I Calmy and I smiled sweetly and looked in his eye and I said it'll stop when it stops. I walked away and I kept doing laundry
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