Hello, I am the parent of an addicted adult child. As with all such relationships it is complicated. About a year ago I couldn't take it anymore and moved away (I'm retired) to save my sanity. I'd hoped that possibly leaving her to her own devices would be helpful. After all, she's in her late 30's with a family of her own and maybe not having me around would pull the rug out from under her.
As if…
She's very ill with many physical health problems which have contributed to the horrible pain she is in all the time. Those are real issues and I cannot imagine how she deals with the very real, unremitting pain she suffers. However, she also has mental health (virtually life-long) and addiction issues (which began after a surgery) so her life is like a series of rolling blackouts.
She's cut me off from contact with her and the grandkids (again). I have found out she's back in a DD treatment center. Her second husband is leaving her in a terrible position. Her younger children are with her first husband (and safe, thank heavens!) and her oldest child is visiting her dad (also thank heavens).
There are days I wonder if it is harder to have run away (a continent away) and be utterly out of the loop or harder to be enmeshed in the trauma and drama that is her life. I agonize over the grandkids, but can do nothing. I agonize over my only child, but can do thing.
I've been in one 12 step program or another for years. Started in Al-Anon, have been sober for almost 40 years now, used to be heavily invested in ACOA and am on the fringes of OA.
I'm presently out of the USA but am due to be back within the next six months. Meetings locally are not possible.
Thanks for listening.
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