My name is Patti and I am in the process of changing me. I wasnât even aware of how sick in turmoil that I was in. I was tumbling in tweaker hell with my Son. Iâm taking my life back. My Son has been at his worst this past year. Heâs been in rehab, 2 sober living homes, NA meetings and a good drug program at our church and he still relapse. My son has been a meth additic since age 17. When heâs clean, which has been far and few in between, he is the perfect person, a great blue collar career, a health nut, works-out at the gym, goes to church and is a good father but when he relapse he becomes a paranoid, freaked-out angry crazy homeless man, he becomes that 17 year old run-away tweaker, mind you, heâs 38 now. Heâs been in and out of jail and cannot stop himself from using. He has been given all the tools necessary for new beginnings many, many times and choose to relapse. Because I know what he is capable of, I always pick him up, brush him off, start him over but soon the hell starts all over again. This last round, something in me began to change, I started having panic attacks, my chest was tightening, I couldnât eat, I was stuck in fear for my Son. I havenât seen my friends in weeks, I canât enjoy my grandchildren, I havenât been to my class in weeks, I donât go to the gym, all I do is sit and worry about my Son, is he in jail, is he dead, why did he relapse, why did he destroy his life again. Iâve reached the point of broken, Iâm broke, Iâm physically, emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually broken. I cried out to God to help me, I was crying out I need someone who could understand me, I need help and then knowing that my son attends NA, I thought to myself NA has to have something like AA does for the families and I found Nar-Anon. I started reading everything that I could, reading about the 12 steps, reading the post here and on another site, I found a local Nar-Anon meeting which I attended. My life is beginning to change, itâs really true. When my son called me the other day, as, he was crashing down from meth, he always thinks in a paranoid mind set that some sex slave group has his girlfriend captive, I normally say, itâs just those drugs your taking, your paranoid right now, where are you, Iâll come and get you, but the other day I said, well if you really believe that, go to the police station so they can rescue her, I havenât heard back from him since. God save my son for I canât. Weâre in a holding saga right now, today, waiting for bounty hunters from the bail bond company to arrest him.
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