Hi, I’m new to this nar-anon site. My boyfriend is an addict and he and I live with his mom. I originally didn’t plan for that but I’ve been saving while I stay, and to them, me staying helps to keep him out of trouble. I am grateful for his mom letting me live there with them and I love them both. My boyfriend’s attempts at recovery have been like riding a roller coaster. I have been struggling lately with his mom’s habits of enabling. Her and I would discuss consequences to his actions and when it came down to us doing our part, I would follow through but she wouldn’t. Yesterday he passed out while driving his car because he was messed up.. he wrecked his car and almost hit a family. I am happy she at least took his phone and keys away but now she is looking to buy him a burner phone “for emergencies”. Maybe I’m wrong but how is he going to learn if she keeps fixing his mistakes for him. I don’t think she should be buying him anything. He is going to be 26 years old and already takes advantage of her generosity. How is this helping him? What is going to happen when she isn’t around anymore? I know I have a lot to learn and I can only control my own feelings and actions, but sometimes it is so hard to see all this happen and not be frustrated. I just feel like everything is a mess. Especially with covid.
Thank you for listening.. I apologize, this isn’t the most positive post. I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends and I needed to vent.
Hi Jen2020,
I’ve been away from this forum for over a year, but my husband had a relapse, so here we go again. It is really embarrassing at times to tell our friends. This is a place to vent and it took a lot of courage for you to come here. Congratulations on taking that step, it is hard but very helpful.
I hope to see you in one of the chats.
Hi Jen 2020 –
It sounds as if you are the responsible person in this ongoing drama. His mother is enabling him. As hard as it may be for you to do (both financially and emotionally) I would encourage you to leave that living situation as soon as you are able.
As the mother of a 26 year old daughter addicted to fentanyl and heroin (overdosed 3 times in one year and relapsed multiple times in and out of rehab) I came to the heart wrenching decision to tell her she had to leave my house. She has burned every bridge with her friends and family and is now in a homeless shelter. I understand your boyfriend’s mother needing to rescue him – I did the same thing. My daughter wrecked two cars while high (no injury to anyone – just totalled vehicles) I gave her money and yet she stole from me and pawned anything of value that I had not locked up. My daughter is managing her addiction now and has also found full time employment. She is once again saving money to be able to find her own place. She hit her rock bottom – no friends and no one willing to enable her anymore. I think the safety net that your BF has had needs to be pulled away for him to take responsibility. I know that counseling was key to my daughter’s recovery (doing the work to find out why she felt the need to be high and escape reality) I hope your BF can and will seek counseling. Keep the three C’s in mind. Take care of you.
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