Hello, I am new to the forum. I am the wife of a crack cocaine addict. We have been married for almost 4 years and in that time he has relapsed 4 times. Most recently, he was clean for 14 months and relapsed. I relocated from NC to FL to be with him hoping this would be a new beginning for us and 5 months after being here and him being clean for 14 months, he relapsed and used for two weeks. He then went to detox for 3 days and got out and the second day out he used and is still using. I have supported him the entire marriage but I am now very tired. I have struggled financially since being here in Florida because the cost of living is much higher here. Just recently I was approved for a home back in NC and I am struggling to get the money together to move back home, but I lost my job last week. He helps me with nothing and everything materialistically that I had before I came here, I have lost. Again, I am really tired and I held on thinking if I just continued to support him, he would get serious about his recovery. Well it is all making me so sick and I am really tired. I really love him but I do not feel that he loves me because I don't see that he loves himself. I wrote him a long note and it reads as follows:
The more chances I gave you, the less respect you started to have for me. You ignored the standards I set because you knew another chance was right around the corner because all you had to say was you love me, you could not live without me, you wanted to live with me for the rest of your life and that you were so sorry. You grew unafraid of losing me because you knew the love I held in my heart, I would not walk away. You have become comfortable with disrespecting me and lying to me because I allowed it. No longer will I be subjected to disrespect because someone in love with me would never hurt me. If you really loved me, none of the cheating, abuse of any sort (mental or emotional) would have existed. You hurt me and then added âI Love youâ to your apology. Terry thatâs not love, thatâs manipulation. And I choose to no longer be manipulated by you. You were right, you are not the man for me. I was just too in love and blind to see it. You see, what I gave you was real love because, I NEVER disrespected you nor cheated on you. Now I want a man that God chooses for me because you were NEVER that man. I just did not know then, but I know now. I wish you find the right woman that is right for you some day because I am not her.
I just have had enough and I just really want to go back home. I want to heal from all of this because it has been truly hell. I was a newlywed 5 months when he relapsed the first time. I just really feel that I made a mistake marrying him. I am so broken inside until I just want to go back home and if I had the money right now I would really leave. Hopefully God will provide me with the financial blessing I need to get back home.
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