Hi Everyone,
I am here because I am suffering with a drug addict. I say suffering because I feel like I also have a drug problem even though my drug of choice is not a narcotic but my husband. My husband is a prescription drug user, Loritabs (hydrocodone) Also synthetic weed, which to me has a worse effect on him than the pills. There could be other narcotics involved but I wouldn't know because I am lied to on a daily basis. Three years ago, he started working at a shop and started getting pain medication from his "buddies" This occasional use turned into him going to a pain management doctor (at the suggestion of his buddies) claiming he had back pain to get his own supply of pain meds. This doctor prescribed an enormous amount of medication zanax, hydrocodone and soma's (muscle relaxers). By enormous I mean 200 pills of each medication a month. This went on for a year and I finally called the doctor and told her he was abusing them. I had to call a few times and threaten to report her because I insisted he was going to overdose. She finally "fired" him as a patient. Well, now he buys them on the street. He spends his entire paycheck on pills. If he can get a hold of my debit card, he will take out money without telling me. If there is any cash in the house he will find it and take it. He has told me he doesn't think he has a problem ( he actually says I have the problem) and that he is not going to ever change.
I say I also have an addiction to him because I have tried many times to leave. I have had opportunity after opportunity to be free of this. I have the support of my family. This is not a secret. His erratic behavoir has made sure of that.
Even if he didn't spend his entire paycheck on drugs, I am still the bread winner. I feel guilt if I leave because I would be leaving him homeless. So I stay. I also love him and even though my brain knows I can't "fix" him, my heart still thinks I can. This has drained me emotionally and I feel like I have lost myself. I feel addicted to my addict.
Thanks for reading this. Even though I have the support of my family and friends, no one I know has dealt with a drug addict. I suppose I am looking for support from people who have experienced what I am experiencing and can relate.
Wow! This is the very thing I'm going through. My boyfriend of 4 years is an addict. More days than I care to count are a nightmare that I can't escape from. Everyday I feel as if I am less than I was the day before. His drug of choice is heroin, but he abuses pills as well. I support us financially almost singlehandedly. He steals money and my personal possessions to pay for his habit. Yesterday I discovered my carpet cleaner was gone, just one more thing. He's stolen my money, my jewelry and ever electronic device I've ever had. I'm so hurt and angry, and I have no where to turn. No support what's so ever. I came here looking for advice.
Reading your stories is the first time I haven't felt alone in 4 years. My boyfriend of 4 years is addicted to pain pills (oxycodone and Vicodin). From the beginning of our relationship I was an enabler. I support us financially. He hasn't ever been able to hold a full time job. He takes money from my account every chance he gets. I knew his problems from them beginning but I truly believed he could get over this. He started seeing a doctor and he prescribed him to suboxone and he see's a therapist once a week. His brother helps pay for the doctor which isn't cheap and I can't afford it. I don't think this brother can either because sometimes he can't get his medicine and then the trouble starts. If he is on it I see so much improvement. He is living, he has conversations, he doesn't look high. If he can't then that's when the money disappears and everything else. I have been living this nightmare for years. I want to marry this man and start a life with him if and only he is clean, but is that even realistic? Will I always been fighting these demons? I am addicted to an addict and it's destroying my life. I am so embarrassed to talk to anyone about this. I am almost 90% sure my family knows without me talking about it. I am embarrassed my life went in this direction. I went to college, have a great steady job, own a home and I feel like I lost complete control over a man and he took everything I ever had. My friends don't know I hide everything from them. I am so lost. I love him so much and it's so hard to just cut him loose and throw him to the streets for him to be homeless. He doesn't drive because he lost his license from a DUI. I literally do everything and I can't breathe anymore. He finally got a part time job with his dream of coaching. I should be happy about that he is finally doing something he loves. But I also feel like I am being stringed along. How are we suppose to be engaged this summer? He just says he has a job now everything is going to different now. But it's never different. It's always the same pattern. Does he even love me? I am so afraid to be alone. I miss my old self and now to be 30 years old and single again is just as frightening. I feel so embarrassed around everyone I know I just want to be alone if I am single again. I have been taking care of him for so long that I stopped taking care of myself. My finances are in complete ruin and I just want to fix myself. I can't do that if he is here still doing what he is doing. How do I get through this? What do I do? Do I just kick him to the curb? Any non judging advice would be so much appreciated. Thank you for listening to my story.
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