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Hi. Single mom from California. I live with my 2 girls-ages 19 and 6. My son is almost 22, lives with my mom. Over the past several years, he has abused different type of substances, over the past couple it's been heroin and anything opiate related. Most recently he's been smoking crack. Got a call from my mom today from my mom that he hit a parked car on the street they live on, and was arrested for being under the influence. I sit here quietly in my apartment dealing with a mixture of heartbreak and anger that he can't let go of these addiction issues and heal. I feel so helpless that these patterns continue over and over again, and also frustrated that my mother is just as sick for enabling him and not understanding that she is, and continuing to believe any other excuse other than just realizing he's a junkie and has lost all power to this. I just want a 'normal dysfunctional' family… I feel so trapped emotionally in this, and cannot release any of it. I wish I could afford to start off new away from this, and be able to not look back, and at the same time I feel guilty for desiring to abandoning certain family members. I'm just so… I'm tired of appearing numb yet crying my heart out when I'm alone.
There's nothing I can do to fix this, only continue to take care of myself and the girls the best I can. My son will most likely keep abusing and hating me and blaming me. If only he knew my heart was just as broken as his and how much I miss my baby boy.
I'm not sure how often I will be on this site, but I know I need support of others who can relate.
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