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Hi – new here to this website- My 24 year old son is addicted to heroin and refuses help. We did get him to a place but only twice. I read the items about how a family member feels with this happening and boy I am everyone issue. Friends don't know how to deal with me. I cry all the time. My family is being torn apart. He has stolen a lot from us, money and things. 3 weeks ago we had him arrested with the hopes that sitting in jail would scare him into rehab (that I had set up with bed waiting for him) only to have our hopes cut down because someone bailed him out after 2 days. We had restraining order against him. Court date came and he promised to do rehab – so we dropped the restraining order and yes he went 2 times to rehab and continued to use anyway. Every word out of his mouth is a lie. I feel like I cant take anymore I just want our lives back.
thanks for listening.
Thank you – We have given him so many boundaries – he just doesn't care- he will sneak into house while we are at work . I have missed so much work and have not let them in on my horrible life. I don't know how this is suppose to be my life. I can not understand why he wont get the help we have for him – he has lost so much – job – family – girlfriend – car – I don't get what he thinks rock bottom is.
My 18 yr old son was using heroin, too. And after an intervention, he agreed to rehab. We live in a PA and the rehab is in FL. With him being out of state, he has no means to get home. I wasn't sure about sending him so far away, but so glad I did. After detox, he was depressed and begged me for a plane ticket home. It was hard, but I kept saying no. I know if he was close by, he would've found a way home.
Thank you so much for responding to me – this is certainly the hardest thing ever. I have no clue what we are to do. Everyone does say – rehab in a different state is the best. I guess we have to wait until he reached what he thinks is rock bottom. We had such a good night last nigh I really though he was making some progress – and then well theres today. I just have to pray.
Wanting your addict to get help is so difficult because it is hard to understand why an addict would not want help to get clean. It gives a feeling of incredible hopelessness to the family that surrounds them and has to witness his/her suffering. But unfortunately addicts do not live in reality and until he/she hits bottom, becomes humble, and desire to be clean, they will not remain sober. 🙁 Even harder is the fact that sometimes what we consider bottom is not even close to what bottom truly is for our addicts.
You mentioned, "We have given him so many boundaries – he just doesn't care." This is a [b]fact[/b] driven by the two main thoughts that addicts are controlled by…Drugs and How to get drugs. In his world, nothing else is considered. Part of successfully establishing boundaries with an addict includes determining the consequences for the addict not respecting those boundaries. For instance, one of my boundaries that my addict has is that if he uses, he may not enter my home (and also I change the locks). I have made it clear to him that I will call the police and press charges for breaking and entering, as well as larceny charges for anything stolen. Bail for him is also not an option. The hardest part about setting boundaries is upholding the consequence, but it is also [u]one of the most important parts[/u]. "Giving in" on the consequences allows the addict to continue the poor behavior that the boundaries are suppose to protect you from. Thus far I have been fortunate enough that my addict has respected that particular boundary, but there are many others that he hasn't. It was incredibly hard to stick to my boundaries at first, but now it is easier as I have grown stronger and my addict has received the message and knows I will be consistent.
I hope at some point you can check out the online meetings in the chat room. They have helped me sooooooo much!!! I cannot even express how much I have learned from other members of this site. They have helped me significantly decrease the chaos of my life 🙂
How do you know when your child is actually using? I have a 22 yr old heroin addict, she is back on suboxone and I can never tell. OF course I just found evidence she is using. We've tried so much for the past 4 yrs, I just found out items that she took and sold, she owes money to her dealer, they come and vandalize the car, worried now more will happen. I just want her out of the house and she has no where to go. what do I do with her? drug programs, methadone, suboxone, nothing works. Talk about crying all the time, worrying, I feel like such a failure, yet I understand she is not my daughter anymore, her life is consumed in needing the drug no matter how she gets it. so distressed
We just evicted our 23 year old daughter for meth use. This is the second go-around. The first included arrests, jail time, lawyers, two stints in rehab and an awful lot of money and agony. This time, we made it clear – that's over. If she agrees to a program and therapy (we strongly suspect she is bi-polar but she refuses analysis), then she can come home. Otherwise, we're done. No more bail, no more lifelines. The day that you realize – for real – that your child may go to prison or end up in a body bag is a terrible day. But here's the thing – she's an adult and this is HER CHOICE. and she must feel the consequences of her choice. Nothing else works. Nothing. Remember; true change only occurs when the pain of the present is greater than the fear of the future. God bless you – keep us posted.
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