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I thought my days of being married to an addict were over in 2010. Little did I know I would get remarried and my husband would turn into an addict. While this addiction is a different drug of choice it is still addiction. I knew things were spiraling out of control when bills started being paid late and random pieces of priceless jewelry went missing. Words can NOT describe the anger, hurt, disbelief, and sadness I feel right now. The final blow came January 6th when I made my husband leave. He was gone until January 17th. He has been attending NA meetings daily but relapsed, if you can even call it that, a few days ago. I am continuously told I don't care and I make matters worse. That he needs to focus on his recovery and basically I need to support him at the cost of taking care of myself. I am all for him being selfish about his recovery but that doesn't mean I have to lose myself in it. Having been down this road before it is hard not to walk away and say screw it. What's the point? I can not and will not turn into the person I was when I was married to my ex-husband. I have a 6 1/2 year old daughter I have to be there for. My mental health is a priority over coddling my addicted husband. I am a very to the point, life is life, stuff happens, you suck it up and move on type person. I am at a loss for 1) how to help him and 2) how to work the steps of Nar-Anon. I am not comfortable being around a lot of people I do not know so I figured giving the online support a try would be a start for me. Any pointers on where to begin would be amazing. I am tired of having to lock my car in my own garage out of fear he will steal my money or my daughters and my ADHD medications (that he doesn't need).
I want to be there to help him but I don't know how….
Hi! I'm Sara and I am new here. I know how you feel because although I've never been married, I am in my second committed relationship in a row in which my partner is an addict. Although both had the same addictions, they are very different people! My current does not accept or admit addiction. He is complete narcissist and shows no remorse. Everything is fine and I just create issues in my head (his view). So I think the same thing whyyyyyy am I going through this again!
I'm not sure how you can help him, but I do know you have probably spent too much time helping everyone else, with no one being there for you and you are suffering mentally. Last night was my first meeting and I already have a more positive outlook with tools to help MYSELF get through this! You should come here for those tools as well because it will really help you and people are here for you!
Hi my name Eileen I'm married to a addict I feel alone stress crazy I have four kids aand feel like I can't leave he promises he'd going to change and to take his hand we been through a lot in these last 4 yearsmoney lies after lies the gambling Idk how to hope with this I'm going crazy I can't trust nothing he says any more
Hi everyone, I'm also new here I know how you all feel. My wife is addicted to pain kilers and they have completely changed who she is. I've know her for 22 years since I was a 17 year old kid. For the past 7 + years she's been in and out of hospitals and doctors for a mysterious pain issue that no one can explain. Her pain mgmt doctor is just over prescribing her pain killers to line his pockets. I've given up on caring for myself a long time ago. I'm just a care giver. I've spend most of my 30s and part of my 20s this way. Everyone in my life can't really relate,they just tell me to walk away. My wife hates everything and everyone and hardly leaves the house or showers. She even hates me and says that I don't care when all I do is care. I do nothing for myself anymore, I'll all for her and her well being, even though she hates me and tells me everyday that she wants a divorce. She doesn't talk to anyone in her family anymore, they all couldn't put up with her anymore. I'm all she has left and I'm won't go anywhere. Last year I had to call 911 bc she put a handful of Oxy in her mouth. I got her to spit them out but still called 911, had to see he punch, kick and even bite police and paramedics, then had to watch her get sedated and driven away. A few hours later I was allowed to see her and she didn't even acknowledge what happened, was just mad at me. After being interviewed by the doctors she was almost put on a 72 hour hold. I couldn't see her in a place like that so I lied to the Drs (I know not a good idea, just couldn't bare to see her in a place like that). That was the first time I did research on addiction and came to the conclusion that she def is an addict. Can't explain to anyone in my life how it feels to see someone you're known and loved most of your life try to take their own and her to beg her not to.
So I know what you're going through. You're final blow came, I'm at my breaking point now.
What I learned the first time around was to always always always take care of myself. So I live my life for myself and my daughter. They will never change until they want to. I'm not his keeper or his mother. If he wants to dig his own grave I can't stop him. Doesn't mean I don't love him, just means I love him enough to let him fall.
I feel the exact same. My wife thinks she has a "medical problem" and that she "needs" these pills. She says she wants to get off them but the next second I see her take a pills because she "feels her pain". If you really wanted to get off you would. She could tell her Dr she wants to but doing is a different store. He lowered her Oxy down 5mg less which is a step but then he said that 5mg less is un-noticable.
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