Hi my name is Denise
My husband is a meth and heroin addict. Him and Iâve been together for three years. He was clean for two years before we got together. He told me last Thursday after coming home so high that there was no doubt that I knew, that he had relapsed and had been doing mainly meth and a few times heroin for the last six months. I mean I knew it. There was really no doubt in my mind that something was going on. Iâm not a stupid person. Money missing from my wallet, taking a little longer to come home from work or the store, hiding his phone when he never used to do that, so I knew and I kept asking him and I kept telling him that if he needed help to just tell me and we'll get him help but he kept denying it of course to the point where he couldnât anymore. Basically heâs been on and off drugs since he was young. I knew him when we were teenagers so it wasnât like he was a stranger to me. I knew about his problems but I married him anyway thinking he would stay clean. Iâve never done drugs and I drank occasionally with my friends socially but not for years now, so it's not like he would have any temptation with me. Iâve had my own experience with addiction with my father who was an alcoholic so I grew up like that. He wasnât abusive or anything but he wouldnât work most of the time so we were constantly getting evicted or utilities getting shut off so at very young age I was worried about bills. My dad made it to 23 years clean before lung cancer took his life last June. I had hoped that since I didnât do drugs that it would be easier for him to stay clean. This is his first relapse with me and I have to tell you Iâm having a really hard time dealing with it. Trust is a big thing with me and I donât trust my husband at all he stole from me, he lied to me. Iâm not sure if Iâll ever trust him again. Heâs a high functioning drug addict he works 40+ hours a week. Heâs going back to meetings again. That was another red flag, he had stopped going to meetings and I kept telling him you need to go back. He kept saying he didn't have time. He had time to do drugs though, but he has started going to meetings again and now I am getting help so I can take care of myself because I cannot let his drug addiction tear me down. I canât lose myself with his addiction. I canât cure him so heâs got to do this himself and I told him that I would support him and I will be there for him but in all honesty if he has another relapse I donât think I can do this again. I canât live my life like this. Iâm 48, heâs my third marriage so I just donât think I could do it again. Iâm just so hurt and angry. Watching his every move, questioning him, so I need to take a step back because Iâm driving myself crazy and I love him with all my heart but I am so pissed at him and he knows I am. I told him how this has affected me and how much heâs hurt me. He's cried and cried. So for this time I will support him and I will be there for him as long as he does what he's supposed to do. I donât know what else to do. I really hope Iâm not enabling him by doing this but I really donât know what else to do. Thank you so much for listening to me. I feel like this is my first step in healing myself.
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