So, to start this off I am an addict I am also married to an addict. We got clean together in May 2016. My husband picked up again about 6 weeks ago. Being an addict myself I know and understand every single lie and manipulation tactics that go along with using but with him, I want to believe him when he says he can stop although I could never stop. I want to believe him when he tells me this isn't a forever thing, but for me the only thing that got me to stop was getting caught by the law! I want to believe him in all of it but I know deep down I don't. He is an addict just like me, he isn't any different. Now the using is starting to really show, he has lost 20lbs his face is sunk in, his attitude and demeanor is bad again, he is just not the man he was 2 months ago anymore and it hurts me…it kills me. I love this man so much! This is not where I pictured him and I being when we got clean or even just two months ago….I was happy, I loved my life with him and now he is messing it all up. Tweekers don't get happily ever afters….but he thinks he will, he thinks he is different. But I am not happy, I am depressed, I don't like to go to work or do my house work and if one tiny little thing inconveniences me I break down but he tells me it is my choice, that I am not happy because I choose to be unhappy.
Me doing drugs has ruined my life more than once, I never thought about the people who were in this position. This is worse then using, at least when I was using I could numb the feelings…I have to feel everything with this and it hurts so bad.
I am sorry you are going through this. It is very hard when someone you love goes down the road of addiction. In Nar-Anon, we use steps similar to that of NA. This site is still growing, but there is a chat room associated with it. A majority of the time (more so in the evening hours), other members are in the chat room to gain support from. If you attend an online meeting on Monday, Thursday, or Saturday, you can also meet people and gain additional information.
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