Hey my name is Bonnie. Im new here. Ive been attending CODA meetings and there is a naranon one but it is kind of late.I plan on attending one day. Anyway my husband is addicted to crack cocaine and pot.Our marriage is a wreck.Finances continue to decline.I m ready to snap.I know I can't control him or his addiction,but what happens when the person and addiction effect me? I don't know what to do anymore.We argue all the time.I know Ive fallin back into codependent role for a week and I need to get out of it. Im EMO right now.I cry every night and I have insomnia.Him and his addiction are controlling this household and I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do.I don't make alot of money so I have to stretch it. He barely helps and when I need help he has excuses,but when he needs help he expects everyone to help him.He lies to me all of the time.When he tells the truth I still don't believe him.When we were separated 2 years ago,I just got depressed and missed him, i didnt miss this crap. I dont know why I cant let go,of him,of this. I feel trapped no way out. I know I need to get out of this thinking.Im going to CODA tonight.Naranon starts @ 8-9,I just get scared being out that late alone.I ve gotten strong and set boundaries,he just tears them down.The worst thing is I let him do this, I don't know what is wrong with me,why I continue to suffer like this. thans for listening…
Hi Bonnie,
Welcome to Nar-Anon Chat. Glad you have found us! I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I have been there and know how overwhelming it is. I had a hard time knowing where to start, but I found the online meetings to be my first step. There are three per week (Monday 9pm EST, Thursday 9pm EST, and Saturday 8:30pm EST). Best part, they are the same format as Face-to-Face meetings and are in the comforts of home. There are some wonderful people in the chat room and they have helped me tremendously to regain control of my life! There is a meeting tonight. I hope you can come and try it out. If not, there are usually people in and out during the day, and a group of us after 9pm EST that regularly go to meeting and hang out and chat (even on non-meeting nights). I find it comforting to be able to talk with people who understand and do not judge me or my situation. I hope you will come join us 🙂
Hi Bonnie,
I was at a Nar-Anon meeting last night when I read your message. I read your posting to the those in the meeting.As I looked around the room I could read the compassion in their eyes. One thing about Nar-Anon is that when the people in the group say "I know what your are going through" its not just a cliche, many have experienced your pain. I have witnessed healing within our group by working the steps and developing relationships with those seeking serenity. I can't stress enough the importance of attending a face-to-face Nar-Anon meeting if at all possible. If you can't, try and make an on-line-meeting. "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself" You took the first step by posting your message.
Thank you for all of ya'll's replies.I almost went in the face to face meeting last Thursday night,but it was dark and piss poor raining. Ive found a lot of healing in my CODA meetings, but I think more understanding will come from Naranon.One of my CODA members said she would go with me and I will take her up on that sometime soon.I feel a little scared as I did the first time going to CODA,but I started out on a CODA online meeting and finally got the nerve to go to a face to feac and Im very glad I did.I just want to heal from this and be able to get strong enough to walk away and not look back if that is what God intends for my life. I know I cant control what he does,but I can control me. I also don't know what to do about…I know I can't control him or his addiction,but what happens if the person I can't control ,his actions effect me and the house hold.@ this point,Im not controling him,but him and his addiction are controlling me and I want it to stop,I just don't know what I can or can't do to stop this.I also don't know why this person effects me like this.Im better then I used to be,but it's crazy…
Also I talked to his father the other day…He pretty much told me that my support groups…CODA and here , were making me soft and not strong,he told me that Im in denial and that I need to go get professional help…I told him I feel better then I ever did because of my support groups and he just downed me for helping myself…he also thinks I need to kick his son out of the house…I guess he saw my strength and it bothered him so he tried to make me weak…I let him make me feel scared for a minute,but I bounced back..I just look @ the source..He is the one that screwed up his kids and now they are all addicts..Im sure there is guilt in his mind.Thanks for listening to me..Im glad I found this site and Im grateful to be here.Bonnie
Thank you..Yes it is very amazing how they judge and seem to have a problem with what I m doing to help my self.I ve come to far to let anyone like that bring me down. I chose not to call him or talk to him after that. I just don't understand why I m not getting support from some. Obviously they have their own demons and living with them rather then helping their selves.
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