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Ill try to keep it brief...
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2 Posts
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December 20, 2014 - 10:23 am

Hi, I'm new here and after browsing the site, I really feel like I've found people who completely understand the struggle of being married to an addict. I can't even begin to type my entire story, but I will try to sum it up.

I've been married to my husband a little over a year now and I never truly understood how addiction worked prior to my marrying him. When we were engaged to be married, at times he'd disappear for 2-3 days, even a week! I had no idea why because I think at that time I was uneducated and chose to ignore this. Anywho, nearing our wedding date and after yet another disappearance, he came to me and confessed that he had begun using CRACK. Now, I had no idea about crack addiction except what I'd seen on tv. So, I told him he had to make a choice, me or the drugs. He said he chose me, and was clean for the week leading up to our wedding(so I thought). One week after we were married, he disappeared again. In my mind, the day he said he was done with drugs, that was it! That's just how naive I was and how little I knew about addiction. I believed that his love for me was strong enough to overcome his sickness. Since then, he's been off and on with the crack use, and also indulges heavily in K2(synthetic weed). Both drugs cause major issues with ones body and can kill you after just one use! We now have a 4 month old baby(whom I had also convinced myself would motivate him to quit) and he's getting worse. I've sort of reached out to family who have all said the same thing…LEAVE HIM! But in my mind, when I committed to marrying him, I committed to the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have become the person making excuses, the helpless one, the depressed one, the one in denial, and even to an extent, the enabler. I feel so helpless and lost as if I have no clue what to do. I have 2 children from my previous marriage who love him to death and he loves them, but they see us fighting and they notice that he disappears for days at a time quite frequently. It used to be that he would leave the house with his stuff(coats, cell phone, clothes, etc.) and come back empty handed. He's sold all his cell phones so I can't contact him. A few months back he found the rent money(which I hide from him) and spent it all 3 days before the rent was due, and more recently(after selling everything of value that he owns) he took my 2 Gucci watches and left for a week returning empty handed. Yesterday, he came home after being gone for an entire day and was looking for money(but I hide it). When he found nothing and I wouldn't give him any, he went in my wallet and took the $15 I had put in there for my transportation to work and he left for the rest of the night. I now see that he is in the beginning stages of stealing from me and I don't want to wait until it's really bad. Both his parents were crack addicts when he was growing up and he's been using drugs his whole life basically(another confession I found out after we were married). I honestly don't think that my husband wants help although every time he comes back from a binge he cries and says he needs help. He promises to never leave again, and he does great for about 2 days usually and then he's back out the door with no warning signs. It could be something as simple as going to get cigarettes, and then he's gone for 3 days! Anyway, that's the shortened version of what I'm going through an why I feel like this place may be very helpful to me in dealing with/overcoming these obstacles I'm faced with. I don't know what to do!

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