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I want my life back
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January 10, 2015 - 8:43 pm

My name is terry and my son is an heroin addict.I cant get him to want to help himself he has no desire to get clean that i can see.He steals from me constantly even though he doesnt live with me when he does stop by i always find something missing a day or two after he leaves.I find myself saying horrible things to him because im so mad and do not respect what he has become.I feel terrible saying this but im beginning to hate my son.I want to tell him to stay away and not to come back.I just am so afraid those will be the last words he ever hears me say.Am i wrong for trying to have a little self preservation?This is literally making me physically ill.Please any feedback is welcome

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January 11, 2015 - 1:22 pm

Hi tmille9,
I understand your pain. My son is about 42 and has drank and/or used many different kinds of drugs his whole life (since he has been about 16 or 17), including Meth now. He has spent most of his adult life in prison for drugs. Once he was out of prison he still continues to use drugs/Meth. I hate to admit I have been his enabler over these years. Now I have to remember he is an adult and it is his life. I need to stay focused on my life and do things for me that would take my mind off of him and his business, such as food, being warm, a place to sleep, etc. With the help of my husband and reading message boards like this on the internet I learned to do that I needed to have some distance between my son and had to learn different ways to tell him you can't come around if your using drugs and/or alcohol. When I first said that to him he continued to try and come around making excuses, such as helping him with his basic needs; using my washer and dryer with out asking me first, needs some kind of tool or just dropping by and raid the refrigerate, etc. This has been a slow process for me not thinking about him about every minutes of the day. I know I was afraid of what he would say or do to my positions or even me if I told him what I would expect. My husband (his step-father)had a man to man talk with him I don't know what my husband said but my has been not coming around as much. I believe my son know how to hit my buttons by saying things that I would respond to such as guilt, saying he has no money or job etc. We now communicate mostly by phone, which I still have to have to watch my self. I'm trying my my best. These are some things that I'm working on and may not work for everyone. I do know that I have to take care of "ME" first.

There are a lot of Al-anon or Nar-anon meeting in most towns and cities. Look in you phone book or go on the internet. Run do not walk to your nearest meeting. There will be others there that had the same experience we have had. At the meetings you will find the support you need. You don't have to say anything, you can just listen. Before you leave your first meeting, talk to someone who is leading the group and ask them for support, reading material, etc. Oh yes, before I go, don't just go to one meeting commit to yourself (for YOU) that you will go to meeting for a month. You will not be sorry!
Hope this will help. Take care of yourself first of all.

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February 15, 2015 - 9:16 am

Hello, I am new to Nar-anon but have been in Al-anon for many, many years. My son is an addict, cocaine is his drug of choice, and he is a textbook case of the disease's progression which has been steadily moving along for nearly 20 years. He went from being functional, employed, loved and somewhat successful to a sad, lonely man who is running away and finding anyone who will give him shelter. A friend suggested that Nar-anon may be helpful and I am searching for some peace of mind. I love my Al-anon program which has saved me but I need to learn more about coping with the distinctive behavior of addicts. While you may not have any greater insight than Al-anon, I need to learn from your experience, strength and hope.

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