Guest
Well after being worn down the past 4 weeks and a week of anxiety attacks later.Husband said he could change,just give him 30 days.Well I gave him 30 days and a list of what I expect to see.I don't think the list is asking a lot.I don't think it is controlling,but I guess what I expect what normal adults are supposed to do anyway,a bit tricky with an addict.I don't know if he is taking me serious or not,but he seems like he is bucking the system,everything that I put on the list he seems to be doing the opposite. I m scared of what is yet to come,but I m learning that I have to trust God and learn some how to let things go. I m facing a big fear.A fear of being alone,but I m alone with him here.This is so heartbreaking for me.I didn't fall in love,get married to be all taken away by an addiction. I ve been a codependent to him to many years. I am however learning that now I need to take care of myself.
It is hard to remember that even though we expect our addict(s) to do as we ask, it may not be their time to try. Took my husband 5 years with me to really want to be clean, he has slipped up slightly but not bad enough to be an ass or anything during that short time. He hasn't fully gone down That road but I'm sure if it wasn't our kids welfare on the line, he'd have been gone already.
The list may seem easy for you, true, but for an addict, anything that doesn't involve that high is going to seem like they have to take Atlas' place holding up the world. It is huge for them. A simple "take out the garbage" can mean so many other things to them and to us it's that, simple…
If you see some progress, try to stick to it. If you don't, maybe sit down and question how he sees the list and what you won't budge on vs things that you can give leeway on to help him be clean. Not only are you a couple but you are addict and love one. Thats how I see it anyways.
one thing i read about setting boundaries, sort of sounds like what you did, is that you need to be really careful so you don't need to back down as to the set consequences and it's very important to live up to them. the addict is not able to think the same way as the non addict does, they reason a very different way. i am addicted to smoking. whenever i am given ultimatums my addiction causes me to want the drug even more and makes it seem totally uncontrollable and the request unreasonable. it, the addiction, wins the war going on in my brain. if it had been my idea to do something about it, then maybe i would have a chance to approach it with the part of the brain i can still control. hope that makes some sense to you, it has helped me in dealing with my wife's prescription drug addiction. when my wife comes up with her ideas about working on the addiction i support her, but i totally backed of as to suggesting anything. and i have to keep going back to step one and accept that i have no control over the addict, only control over me.
1 Guest(s)