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I just dont understand my thinking
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20 Posts
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December 14, 2013 - 11:05 am

In the back of my mind I am worried that husband will find someone else and all of a sudden straighten up and stop his addiction and be to the new one what I want with him.I don't understand my thinking. He shows no sign of looking,but it sticks in the back of my mind.I ve heard others in CODA say things like this…But does this even really occur in real life ? He is talking about going out of state to work a job,this scares me as well.I know I have abandonment issues.We are not getting a long and we have been really distant as neither one is putting marriage first right now.I can't run a marriage by myself so I guess I ve stepped back.Being that this is going on,would it even be wise to be separated for a few weeks for a job.Then again it might be good to see if there is something left to hold on to. I know I sound irrational, I just don't understand why my thinking is like this.Also why do I not have that good self esteem to think I could have what I want in a relationship.I still love him and care about him , I guess that is one reason why I can't let go right now…Thanks for listening…I have no control over him.I m learning to live my own life and I m focusing on my recovery…I just don't understand why this is the hardest person ever in my life I can't let go of…

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12 Posts
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January 6, 2014 - 11:55 pm

had similar thoughts. about 6 years ago my wife left home and we separated for two years. she got clean during that time. we got back together and here we are again. i have a hard time not saying something when she is high. but reading what i have so far i think i need to say nothing. feels like watching someone fall overboard without reaching out to catch them. so hard and against everything that seems right to do. i think it might be easier to be the addict that to live with and love one.

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