Nar-Anon Chat™

Hi,
My name is Zella. I’m here because I realize it’s not going to fix itself, he’s not going to suddenly stop using.

I’m 48 years old. The child of two alcoholics, my ex husband is an alcoholic and bi-polar. Now I’m in a 8 year relationship with a man that is a recovering alcoholic and now abuses his prescription pills. I’ve questioned whether I belong here many times. I don’t think he’s buying any drugs off the street although he has in the past. He abuses his prescription. Blows through the pills in a week then goes without the rest of the month. At least that’s what I think happens. He hides his pills so I can’t see how many he has.

The real point is I’m not strong. I see the signs and doubt myself and partially believe what he tells me at times. Deep down I know he’s lying but I keep falling for it. We’re on day 6 of him getting his new prescription. He’s beyond exhausted from barely sleeping the last two nights, falling asleep sitting/standing up, waking up suddenly, with loud noises, defensiveness, etc… You all probably know the routine.

I’m not trying to fix him though. I’ve tried and tried and realize I can’t. I tried to fix the all and failed.

So I want to work on fixing me. I want to look at him and know it’s not my fault. To feel the harsh defensive things he says are not true. I want to feel secure in making decisions and not letting him convince me I’m wrong or losing my mind. I want to find me and who I am because I really don’t know.

Thank you for letting me join and vent.
Zella