Hello everyone! I am completely new to all of this. I've never been to a meeting before but decided for my own sanity to join an online group. I am going to just tell you guys my whole story. It's going to be extremely long so bare with me.
I met my boyfriend a little over a year and a half ago. He was straight up with me about everything (for the most part) from the first time we met. Told me he had a previous pain medication addiction. Long story short, his personality changed. We lived about 45 minutes away from each other so we would alternate weekends going to each other's houses for the weekend. When he was at my house, he was miserable. When we were at his house, he was off the walls and I couldn't get him to sit still. Of course, I just thought he wasn't comfortable at my house or that he didn't like my parents or something along those lines. About 4 months into our relationship, he tells me his parents are kicking him out and sending him to rehab for stealing a large chunk of change from his dad. While he was "looking" for an available rehab facility, he was sent to live with his aunt about two hours away. I didn't see him for a while but we still talked every day. After a while, I realized he wasn't going to go to rehab. I just thought whatever, I can't force him to go and he said he's not doing it anymore. So we started seeing each other again. He surprised me by making the 4 hour public transportation trip for my birthday. He wasn't working or anything, so my parents would let him stay for as long as he pleased. At one point, he stayed with us for about 3 weeks. As far as I knew, he had no intention of leaving any time soon. I get home from work and his stuff is gone. My parents sit me down and tell me that about 30 of my dads pain pills are missing. I called him and he immediately admitted that he did it. At the time, he was at his friends house, so I told him before he goes back to his aunts he better come apologize to my parents. I left before he got to my house. He had a long talk with my parents (a good talk. My parents didn't hate him, and my family does also have a history of addiction issues so they understood.) They basically told him he needs to get help. Then he came to see me at my friend's house and we ended up having a huge argument. He blamed me for him using, and told me I got fat and ugly. I slapped him in the face. Fast forward and we make up. He slowly got back under my parents' good graces enough for them to allow him to spend the night again. He went to school and when he finished, he was having trouble finding a job. My parents allowed him to live with us so he could get a job which he did very quickly. Then, once the paychecks started coming in, he disappeared every pay day to "pay his mom car insurance." I end up going on vacation, booked before he moved in. I was gone on a week long cruise with my best friend. I get home, and he tells me he used while I was away. Broke my heart. I told him he had one more chance. Fast forward a month. My moms birthday. My sister and her husband threw my mom a surprise birthday party. My parents and their friends left, so the younger crowd stayed and hung out. My boyfriend started acting like a complete moron. To the point where my brother in law basically said get him out or I will kick him out. The next day he admitted to using (always does admit it) and that was not a fun convo. I pulled the "you love drugs more than me" and I mentioned I had just told him a month prior that he only had one more chance. Of course again, he told me he was done and that he loves me and will do anything not to lose me. Offered to give me his money to hold on to so I know how much he's spending. A few days go by and he starts withdrawing. Bad. Throwing up, cold sweats, shaking, etc. He then asks me how I would feel if he went to rehab and I told him I'd miss him but I think it's best. Well, that was a Tuesday and less than a week later he was gone (3 weeks before my sisters wedding, that was tough for me). It's been a little over a month and I'm still so lost over everything. His mom got a letter saying that he's not allowed to write me so as far as I know, I will have no contact for the whole 8-10 months he's gone. Yes, he has put me through hell for the short amount of time we've been together, but the good times outweighed the bad. I'm so happy he is getting the help he desperately needs, but I'm so scared he's not going to want me when he gets back (that sounds so incredibly selfish). When it comes down to it, the number one thing I want is his health. However, I cannot see my future without him in it and it scares me. I have so many mixed emotions and I am just completely in the dark. I have good days and bad days, but today was a pretty bad day. Sorry this was so long, I just wanted to lay everything out there. Thank you.
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