Hello,
My name is Jasmine. I’m glad I found this website and I am looking forward to learning from everyone. In short, my world is falling apart all at once in front of my eyes… I’ve been married to a highly functional addict. He’s in the military. I first noticed and started finding random things in the garage during his last deployment earlier this year. I asked him and he became angry and denied it. I let it go.. sort of…Whenever he would FaceTime with the kids his eyes were bloodshot and he would do “the nod” and literally fall asleep in the middle of talking with them. Lots of things happened between that deployment and him coming home. The day he got home he must’ve taken something to help with the withdrawal symptoms because, he seemed somewhat “normal”. He was attentive, we did family things and he helped around the house as usual. I started to notice a few weird things when we went to visit his family up north. He was constantly tearing up.. I asked if he was okay and he would say yes and move past it. I noticed at some point in the trip he became very agitated and anxious due to needing to find a restroom. His legs were shaking and he was scratching alot…it was something I’ve never seen before. Looking back, he found multiple times to excuse himself to take his drugs while on vacation.
Currently, me and our 3 kids are in a hotel since we are supposed to be moving to another country with him for his military job…. He left before us at the end of Oct. I stayed behind to get the children’s passports and to tie up some loose ends. It’s been difficult trying to get ahold of him, initially he claimed he was so busy and trying to acclimate to the new environment, time zone, new boss etc. But, then he would mention going to the bar and all these other activities. I asked if we could schedule a couple of times each week to chat? He said, yes. During those times he would either act uninterested, short, vague, busy, tired, or would preface the conversation with what he was about to do in 10 or 15 min. I started to feel Ignored and neglected, as I felt during the last deployment. I addressed it nicely. Again, he told me what I wanted to hear with no action to follow. I stepped back and decided I wouldn’t contact him for a week to see if he would even notice or try to reach out and he didn’t. Keep in mind I did all this before truly realizing I was right about him having an addiction. After sitting and waiting for a week for him to reach out or at least check in with us, I called him and told him that I was tired of waiting for him and wanted a divorce. I was done with believing he was that busy. Plus I barely heard from
him during his last deployment. He instantly apologized for not being the best partner and said he needed to process his thoughts and would call me after he did… it’s been another week. I’m super frustrated because, the hotel is paid for until Dec 17th. I was laid off from work while we were preparing to leave and ALL of our things are being shipped to our new location (far from the U.S.). I’ve had to get permission from my oldest son dad to move with him and we’ve already told family, school etc. and now it doesn’t look like any of it will be happening. I’m embarrassed and no one knows he’s an addict but me!! Thanks for reading my story and I look forward to learning..
Jasmine,
I am so sorry you are going thru this Jasmine! You made a wonderful first step by coming here and letting others know what you are going thru. Addiction is very hard on the family. Please remember the addict is a master manipulator and they are so good at lying. I had to remember that it was the addiction talking tho and that wasn’t typically my son. It is hard to watch……AND hard to live through.
I hope you can come back to the site here at the Naranon Chat and come to a meeting or 2 that we have during the week. Our meeting schedule is Monday and Thursday nights 9PM EST, and Saturday nights 8:30PM EST. We would love to have you attend. The ppl here are very supportive in each other’s journeys in addiction.
A little of my background….my son is the addict in my life. I have been coming here a LONG time and I keep coming back because I need the program and I need the ppl here, even though my son is now clean. We become like family here so I hope you do come back and check us out.
Looking forward to meeting you in the chatroom and at a meeting or 2.
I will be praying for your situation with you and your children, along with your husband that he is able to find recovery. Please know we are all here for you.
God bless.
Your Trusted Servant,
Robin
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