I am new here, so I am not totally sure if I am doing this right or in the right place. I have been with an addict for a little over three years. He hid the fact that he was an addict at first, and then played it off as occasional use. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, or I think I would have walked away before it started. I have pushed him to do better for three years. Our relationship has been an insanity ride. There have been many periods of abuse, none of which he remembers, and he has been arrested multiple times for public intoxication for drugs. He finally decided to quit, and immediately our life was great. He was the man I fell in love with all over again…for two weeks. Then, he started NA meetings and our whole world changed. He has become obsessed with it, but he only takes bits and pieces of the information that he learns and then runs with it. Everything I say to him, even if it is kind and loving, sets him off and he goes nuts. Its only if I talk to him, anybody else can say whatever they want. The people at NA have given him suggestions based off of what they did, so hes decided that its the gospel truth as to what he needs to do. He recently decided that he cannot be allowed to have a family while in recovery and left us. There was no discussion, and my feelings just don't matter on the subject. He is paranoid that everything I say is out to hurt him, but everything his NA family says is how to help him. He has known these people for five days, and has decided that they are his new family, and completely cast off the family and the life that we have built, without so much as a warning. He just came home one day and packed his things and left. I understand that he needs to go to meetings and he needs to work on himself, and I don't want him to not do so, but how do you just walk away from literally the only person who has tried to help you through your addiction? His sponsor told him that he doesn't need to be with us, so he took it serious and left, all because someone suggested it to him. I have tried to talk to him about my feelings on the matter, but he just says that mu feelings do not matter because I'm not an addict and he is. Anytime I say a sentence that is not completely about him, I get accused of being selfish and told that hes the one who gets to be selfish. Why the heck should he get to be selfish in drug use and recovery? If you've spent the whole relationship being selfish with your drug use, why is it okay to be selfish even more when youre no longer using? I just feel so hurt, because I finally got the one thing I've ever wanted from him and now its destroying my marriage even worse than the drugs did. I have no option to go to any meeting myself, because I have no babysitter. He had made the deal with me to watch the kids a couple nights a week so that I could go to Nar-anon, and I'd do the same for him to go to NA, but now that's not an option. I literally do not know a single person who has ever been in this situation before, and I feel like my life is crumbling in front of me.
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