I am not even sure where to start… I am new here. My 19 year old son is an addict. I feel that there are so many issues that led him to this point. As a parent, it is hard not to feel some responsibility.
I really feel like things started back in his early school years, we suspected him to have ADHD. Relying on the school psychologist for screening and testing, she said that he did not screen positive for it. So, he limped through school. A good kid, never really a behavior problem, just had trouble staying focused in school and completing his work.
Fast forward to middle school, he started talking about depression and suicide in 8th grade. Big topics for a young kid. I started looking for counseling for him. First, he went to see someone from my job's EAP. That person was here and gone so fast, we felt like we were bouncing from one person to another until we found a psychologist that was able to do some counseling and an assessment. She felt that he INDEED had ADHD, and her testing/screening was positive. He started treatment for it, i.e. Vyvanse and some cognitive behavioral therapy.
Entering high school, things initially were going well for him, but he fell into trouble when his "friend" group changed and he was hanging around a different crowd. From that point, he started using weed and experimenting with synthetic LSD. He would say that he was searching for answers, he felt lost, what was his purpose, etc. There were legal issues and some suicide attempts.
Things hit a "low" for him when he had a bad experience with the LSD, where he thought he was going to die. He was scared, and reached out for help (not that we weren't already trying to help him, but obviously until this point, he was just not investing himself in getting court-mandated help). He wanted to go to an inpatient treatment program, so I looked for one and got him in. He came out as a "reborn" person. Still an adolescent, though, the options for ongoing counseling and groups were slim to none. And, topping it off, a counselor that he had been seeing regularly was about to leave her position due to a family move. So, we ended up finding a new counselor, and he found that they meshed pretty well.
Somehow, he got through a year of counseling and managed to stay out of trouble, so he was able to put his legal issues behind him. He went to weekly counseling and got into a NA meeting routine. About a year ago, I feel like he pretty much owned his addiction and was totally invested in getting and staying sober.
He had been sober for 9+ months, and during this time he graduated high school, got his drivers license, and got a job. Lots of adulting taking place, and he was doing so well! But, then 10 days ago, out of nowhere, he searched out an old friend and went to visit solely for the purpose of smoking some weed. He unfortunately took our 15 year old daughter with him, so she was exposed, as well. This was a very difficult situation for me to deal with, because he made this choice but also got his sister involved. When everyone finally came home that Sunday evening, we all talked this out. It was HIS suggestion that we (dad and I) look into going to Al Anon meetings, so that we could better understand his addiction. I initially felt like "why should I have to do that", "its his problem not mine", and my overall feeling was that he was just looking for an excuse to keep using because "it is highly likely that an addict will go back to using". Well, last weekend, I found that he went back to the friend's house again. He had been staying with my sister (his job was an hour away from home but much closer to sister's place), but in the week's time he just didn't show up for his job, so he essentially lost his job. My sister didn't know that he started using again. I told him that he could just come home (didn't want him to be a burden to my sister). After bringing him home, I began questioning why I am doing this. Is this just an attempt on my part to try and control his addiction? Am I just enabling him by allowing him back in the house?
Just to put it out there, I have made it very clear to him that whatever he does, he IS NOT allowed to involve his sister in his use again. Outside of that, I told him that he owns his addiction, not me. But, after thinking about it, I do feel that the Nar-Anon or Al-Anon approach might be a good thing for me. So, that is why I am here. We do not have many resources or meetings physically near us. Definitely no Nar-Anon meetings. Some Al-Anon meetings here and there, but generally a drive out of town, depending on the day. Today, the closest meetings are 30+ miles away.
So, I put a lot in this post, but there is so much more that was left out… But, here I am, a mother of a 19-year old addict. Trying to do the right thing, and trying to keep MY life manageable.
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