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Hi, I'm Julie. My ex-boyfriend is the addict in my life. We were together 2.5 years and he was using for the last year without me knowing. His addiction started before I met him. He was 3 months sober when we started dating. First relapse was Nov of our first year together. There was a lot of bad moments but also some of the best times of my life. I have never known love to be so unconditional. We really "got" each other. He was my best friend and I his. We broke up last June. He moved out of state. (Thankful for the distance). I haven't see. Him since July 28th last year. We have spoken tgriught the last year and had some months here and there when we didn't talk at all. He has had a few short term jobs. But most of his last year was spent suicidal and homeless at A point. He checked himself in mental hospital. After a few weeks he really seemed to turn a corner. I was even hoping we could get back together in the future. Last I knew in early June is that he was using. He had lost his job. I don't know if he quit or wAs fired. He said fired his employer says he walked out. I sent him an email and told him I knew he was using and he couldn't convince me otherwise. I asked for him to respect my space. I also included some phone numbers if he decided to get help. He responded and admitted to using but didn't say to what extent. He agreed to respect my space. I'm glad he hasn't contacted me. I hope he is safe, healthy and sober. I have resources to check on him but I'm trying to refrain from doing that. The more I know the worse I feel. I did tell them if the "unthinkable" were to happen to contact me. I'm so sad that things have to be this way. Through this experience I have realized I suffer from co-dependency. I know I'm doing what is right for me but it doesn't make the heartbreak any less painful. I want kids and a family. I had a rough childhood and don't want to put kids through this. I hope in time I can eventually get over him. In the meantime I am keeping myself busy and doing things for me. I can't fathom the thought of dating anytime soon. I'm feeling broken and crossing my fingers I'll be able to let love into my life again with another man. I deserve it. I'm in a much better place today than I was a year ago but still feel so far. I have a great support system who really helps me stay focused. I hope this group is able to help me get even stronger in the weeks and months ahead. Thank you for taking your time to read this.
Hi Julie, thanks so much for sharing some of your story. I can truly relate to the heartbreak, the loss of our loved one and best friend. Sounds like you know what you need (or don't need) to get yourself emotionally healthy <- this is a good thing. :)I could really relate when you said, "the more I know the worse I feel." I finally got to the point where I had to decide which hurt less, seeing him or not, I too chose to not see him. Even though it was heartbreaking I grew stronger with each passing day. My life is mine again and it feels really good, like a huge weight has been lifted. My addicted loved one (ALO) will always be in my heart, I've learned to love him from a distance. When I think of all the years I spent trying to hang on to something that was so painful I think, wow, what a waste of energy…. all for nothing because he is still an active user and still living on the street. I thought "my" love was going to cure him. If he knew how much he was loved he would surely give up drugs for a better life. When it came right down to it he turned out to be more honest about where his life was heading than I was. Go figure! 😛
Keep posting!
Yours in service and friendship,
Annie
Never look down on someone unless you're leaning over to help them up.
When we first started dating and found out he didn't have much of a family. I thought to myself.. I have a family(amazingly supportive and welcoming to anyone) and plenty of love to give and surely that is what he needs. Boy was I wrong in thinking that was what would make him feel loved and wanted. He NEEDS his family but that isn't an option so he needs to accept the way it is and heal himself. I heard. From his mom yesterday and he supposedly fell and has to see a spine dr. He had a fusion done 8 years ago and he may have damaged the hardware(rod and screws) in his back. He knows my weaknesses are. I come from a family that has seen more then there fair share of medical issues both physical and mental. I have become a "self/family nominated" patient advocate for my mother and father. Anyway, I know about addiction, not everything, but enough to know the risks, pain both mental and physical, and the honest struggle from day to day for most addicts to stay clean. I just wish things could be different. I don't love him any less then the awesome days when I fell in love. I want to do what I need to do for me so I can have a bright future ahead. I'm going through the motions and doing what feels like I should be doing to try and move past this relationship and chapter of my life. I look forward to the days when I actual believe in my self and expect that my physical and emotional needs be met by myself and my partner. I'm working on it. One small goal at a time.
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