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I am going through a very rough time at the moment. Yesterday I attended my first ever al-anon meeting due to the fact the Na-arnon f2f meetings are rare around my area which is unfortunate. My fiance of 5 years is currently in detox. He is addicted to heroin, when it's not heroin its crack . The sad part is that when we first started dating I had no idea. We have been living together for about 2 years. In those 2 years my life has changed completely. He always said he would change, he said us moving together would change his life. He has been in and out of rehab and detox. He was currently taking suboxone which he found away around taking the strips and was still using. About 2 weeks ago, he had a seizure, it was a scary sight to see. I had to call an ambulance to take him to the ER. He tried to play it off by saying it was his epilepsy, but when we were in the ER the doctor didn't even bother coming to talk to us. We were discharged my the nurse and she said we were free to go. When I checked his papers, it showed that his seizure was drug related and that he had opiates in his system. He says this time he is serious about changing. He says he has never wanted it more than he does now. I honestly feel so alone because this is something I can't talk to anyone in my family about or my friends because they would immediately tell me I"m crazy and to move on. I truly love him, and I've been there for him. He is a great guy but this drug is what is getting in the way of our happiness. He says the drug has a big grip on him and that detox will get him over the hunch. He says that at the moment he was just using to not get sick.
On Christmas we were suppose to go to his mother's house, he said he was feeling like he had the flu. Later on he decided to go to a "meeting" and unfortunately he never made it to the meeting. He came back stating that he didn't go to the meeting because he was not feeling well. When he came home, he started acting all erratic, and crazy. It did not take long for me to realize he got high. I almost walked out that day, and it wasn't the first time I almost left. He states that if he messes up again he will let me go, but he never lets me go. I've packed up my stuff and tried to leave because I'm tired of his erratic behavior, I'm tired of lying to my friends and family. I also am tired of living this "fake life". I sometimes think he'll never change.
Sadly, I myself have become addicted to the addict. I can't picture my life without him. When he is sober he is a great human being, and he is my best friend. I need to learn to let go this time if he doesn't change after detox. I have to be strong and walk away from the situation but unfortunately that is easier said than done.
I'm tired of finding needles in my house, and I am also tired of him embarrassing me. I am tired of his lies, he's lied so many times to me that I don't know if I can believe him anymore. It's sad that I have to question my fiance so much, and sometimes I feel like there is no hope. I sometimes regret the day I met him. My life has taken a huge wrong turn since I met him, but at the sametime I've never been with someone like him, that makes me feel this way. The only thing that is holding our relationship back is the addict in him.
Its scary to think I could find him dead, sometimes I hate him so much, and I hate myself for loving him. I hope I'm able to change this time if he doesn't change. I have to learn to be strong because I need to do better for myself. I found myself a few months back drinking a lot, so I could deal with the way he acts when he gets high. Since I was bartending I kept drinking to numb my pain, I left the industry and I still kept drinking. I put a stop to it, because I thought to myself, why am I drinking? Am I becoming an addict now?
Hi,
My name is Jan and I’m a newcomer. My son Michael is in recovery. He is 35 and started using alcohol and weed in high school. I was aware of this and let him spend a night in jail. He has severe anxiety and I was hoping leaving him there would make him to never go back. He married at 19 and had my granddaughter at 20. He and his wife moved 6 hours away from us. We began to suspect he was using again due to Facebook posts. His wife divorced him after he lost job after job. I kept my granddaughter during the summer. He was living in our home. He began disrespecting myself and my husband. Our granddaughter attempted suicide at the end of May. He brought her to our home for the summer and purchased a gun for her 3 weeks later, our oldest son, his wife, and children live next door to us. We felt sure he was using again. We couldn’t reason with him. Our oldest son had caught him smoking the weed and we had friends he had asked who he could get pills from. When I realized what was going on, I wrote him a letter telling him of our suspicions, that if I caught him in our property that he would no longer be able to stay in our home. He got high about a month later and left evidence I found the next morning. I woke my oldest son my husband and middle son up. We all decided we had no choice but for him to leave. We had the cops remove him because we knew he would not go willingly. I can’t tell you how hard this was. He told me I would never see my granddaughter. Her mother has been great. She knows the addiction is our son’s addiction, we are not. Our son after being on his own for 6 months, decided to quit his great paying job, walk out on the year lease, rent a uhaul and move back to the town his daughter lived in. He went to return the uhaul. While waiting for them to open, he fell asleep in the truck. When the people at the Uhaul woke him, he was disoriented and crawled underneath it and fell back to sleep. The cops were called for a wellness check.. He went to jail for an outstanding warrant. He was in jail 3 weeks. I was fed up with his addiction, disrespect, abuse, lies and manipulation. Of course I was his biggest enabler. I saw him twice in jail. He was an emotional wreck. We offered to bond him out,only if he agreed to a recovery program. He told me with tears streaming down his face that he was broken. I agreed with him, I did not sugar coat it. He had come to realize this. Do I know what lies ahead? No way but I will no longer enable. It is called tough love and for a reason. As much as I lovhim, I can’t fix him. I finally realized that, so I let go and let God. I hope this brings hope to all. God bless you and your loved ones in this uncertain journey. I would love to hear your stories and be in prayer for your family. Thank you
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