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Hi everyone,
I'm a 36 year newly married mother of 1 from a previous relationship. My husband is a good and extremely loving man… he is good to me and amazing with my son. He is a recovering opioids and heroin addict. I say that loosely because in the almost three years we've been together he has struggled many times using. Last year three days before xmas he came to me and told me he needed help. I brought him to the hospital the very next morning where he was admitted and received treatment. While he was away on xmas eve while wrapping gifts I found that my son's Xbox I had bought was gone. When a I was able to talk to him he swore it was stolen and not sold. That he got what he needed by taking money from the account. If was good again for awhile after that…. but recently I have noticed he takes a long time while using the bathroom and always seems to be bleeding after being alone for a period of time. He would deny and convince me it was something else until I found needles and or empty bags then he'd come clean. I love him but I am struggling to trust him. I follow every move he makes.. question him all the time… he Denys whenever I accuse him. We put a gps app on our phones so that I can see where he is. He has been very open to everything.. never gets angry and tells me I have the right to question him because he knows he has broken my trust many times. I suffer from anxiety so when I get worried it's 10x worse then it normally would be. I am at my most stressed right now because the last incedent was not long ago. It is taking over every minute of my day. I question when he is tired… I worry when he uses the bathroom too long…all of this can be normal things but because of the history it sends me into a frenzy. I've been getting short with him.. find excuses to not be affectionate.. and find myself hiding just to cry. I know that these things don't always mean he is using but I can't seem to turn this frenzy off. His words mean nothing to me right now and he knows that. What do some of you do to relax and not worry constantly… my anxiety is through the roof.. my blood pressure goes up my eyes twitch and I can't sleep. I'm just scared.. I'm scared of losing him.. scared of finding him dead. I know if he IS using it's not every time I accuse him. I'm just at my wits end. Any advice or similar stories would help . Thanks for reading.
Hello! Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I feel like a lot of us (people who care deeply for someone battling addiction) lose ourselves. I sure did. Spent a lot of time crying and trying not to rip my hair from my scalp and trying not to keep questioning "Is it me?" "Is it my fault?" From your story it sounds to me like this person is in the throes of the addiction. I say this because there is a sense of denial instead of owning up to it and saying they need help. Have you ever considered sitting him down and talking about the possibility of attending rehab? I hope this helped at all somewhat. Also the aftermath of rehab is also so hard and tricky to navigate as well (I have a story you can look at on the message board about that if you wish)
I'm sorry you're going through this. I am too. My husband was in recovery or so I thought for a good 7 years. I recently discovered how badly he's been abusing his Percocet prescription to the point of finishing them all and having to buy them elsewhere. He's lied to me about money on so many occasions. He quit his job because his boss accused him of stealing.
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