Hi. I'm finally here and already feel relieved.
I'm 33 years old. My grandmother was a raging alcoholic. Both of my parents are addicts in recovery for 20+ years. My brother is in AA and hasn't drank for 5 or so years.
As a 21 year old I hooked up with a "bad boy" who turned out to be a very abusive and violent addict. It took me 3 years to finally push him out of my life because I wanted to believe he could change. He didn't want to change. I recently found out he died 2 months ago…
In February 2015 I met a sweet kind funny loving guy online and we started dating. I knew immediately something wasn't quite right because of his personal circumstances (always broke, his living situation, being from another state but no clear reason he moved to PA) but I kept seeing him because the good things were really good. I finally called him out on all his "errands" and not having money and he revealed he was in recovery. Fast forward to now- shit got bad last summer and I stopped seeing him. He called me every week or 2 and begged me for another chance…he went to rehab and lived in a 3/4 house for 8 months. He was working his program and had a sponsor. He started seeing a therapist and things were happy between us.
He coaxed and begged me to move in. I wanted to wait til he had a year clean but he wore me down. 3 weeks later I found a stamp bag in a pack of gum. After much argument he admitted it, said it was a 1 time slip and passed a pee test a few times since. But he keeps getting texts on his phone about neurotin, he quit going to his home group and talking to his sponsor. He goes to meeting sometimes (probably cause I nag him) and just doesn't seem to be "workin it" at all. I'm very familiar with the language surrounding recovery because of the home I grew up in. He says I act like I know it all and need to let him work steps and find a sponsor in his own time…
I'm miserable and cry a lot. He says I need to move on from what happened with his brief relapse. I think he is gas-lighting me and manipulating me. I think he takes these neurotin pills cause they don't show up on a piss test. He does pay bills and pay me rent but he is always broke before payday anyway…I hate that he makes me feel like I'm the crazy one for not trusting him and "just worrying about me" after all this mess…
Sorry for such a long story ….
So, obviously I need to be here. Obviously I am powerless over this man and all the addicts in my life and need to learn to cope. I need to know I'm not crazy…
Well I am glad you are here. I'm new to the program but I think you are in the right place to find. You are not crazy! I have felt crazy as well in my own life with an addict. I've been dating my boyfriend for 12 years and for the past 6 he has been doing drugs hard core. I felt like my world was a whirlwind of chaos and still kinda do. He just recently went through rehab for the first time. Luckily he is trying to use the tools available to him to stay sober. Before he went he never had any intention of getting sober and staying sober. I will be honest and say I've never tried to make him go to rehab before only because I knew if he didn't want it for himself he would never exceed in any program. A few months ago I decided for my own self that I needed to change. I needed to become more independent. I needed to get my life back. I needed to recognize the girl I saw in the mirror. And so I started trying. I figured in the end either I would be strong enough to leave my situation or strong enough to lessen the control my bf had on my life. My journey to heal myself brought me here to this group. I don't really know what to expect. But I hipe for the best. Anyway. I just wanted you to know you are not alone here. That you are not crazy. And that together we can all heal. ;). Welcome!!
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