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Hi, my name is Sierra and my boyfriend just got out of rehab. We've been together for two years and there is not one obstacle that has gotten in our way. Prior to rehab, we had a rocky relationship when he started using again. Not only was he smoking pot, stealing prescriptions from his mom and more, but he was always high. He decided to go to rehab on his own and all in all, it was an amazing and rewarding experience for him. While he was in, he called me about four times every day and sounded happier than ever. I could finally hear motivation and happiness in his voice again and I was beyond proud. I still am. He graduated 2 days ago… He hasn't been out long but already so much has changed. He came out, was fine on the car ride home but as soon as we got home it all went downhill. He is constantly sad… Almost all hours of the day he is telling me he's sad, angry, lost. He feels every single emotion besides being happy. We've always been very open when it comes to talking about our feelings with one another, so he had enough comfort in me to tell me that since he's been home he has faked being happy. Every time we all thought he was actually happy, he faked it. The one time I thought he seemed in the least bit better was after he went to an NA meeting.
I guess I just don't know what to do. I've tried doing so many things to make him happy. I've gone places with him, talked to him, brought him to meetings, called his old counselors and even tried to guve him his own space. But every time i bringup the fact that maybe he needs alone time, he refuses saying he wants to see me. Hes always crying.. The thing that worries me the most is that he will use again. He says thats the only way he knew how to handle his emotions before and im scared he will again. I've done everything I could think of to try and help him but I'm running out of options! That is why I came here… I found this hoping that someone would know what I'm going through and give me advice on what to do 🙁 this is the man I want to marry and it kills me seeing him so unhappy all the time. Maybe it's because he just got home and needs a little time? Should he go back to rehab? I'm so lost:( please help!!
My husband was that way also when he was in a facility. I think the support and the messages are so strong they feel capable at the time. If your boyfriend feels good after a meeting and is going that's a good thing. Maybe going to as many as he can is an option. That is only the first step though. It is very scary and overwhelming. I hope your boyfriend can be strong for himself and you. Take care of yourself. Being with an addict is draining. Prayers.
Sierra, I know from personal experience what it is like to feel deep depression after getting clean. I'm not a professional so take my words with a grain of salt. If your loved one is an opiate addict then at some point his brain stopped producing dopamine on it's own (hormone which allows us to feel euphoria)and was replaced by the opiates. It takes time for the brain to readjust and begin producing natural dopamine again (all depends on the length and quantity of his drug use). So it doesn't surprise me that he isn't happy and is crying all the time. I KNOW how hard it is but try to be patient as his physiology slowly gets back to "normal." Sometimes there really isn't anything we can do to help other than to show compassion and support. And, PLEASE, don't take his unhappiness personally. He can't help it.
I'm usually in the chat room in the evenings if you want to chat about it.
Yours in service and friendship,
Annie
Never look down on someone unless you're leaning over to help them up.
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