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My son, 10 years into substance use, brought him home from WA state 2 years ago to help him get a new start. He started in suboxone program, got into some trouble, started a diversion program and did an IOP. Thought all was well, he moved into his buddies house, was working full time at a job he loved on a farm.
His buddy kicked him out saying he was "messy, didn't pick up after himself", I told him he couldn't live with me. He moved in with a woman last July who lived near his job….It was a GREAT living situation. He has a dog and the dog was welcome and he could walk to work. Over the past few months there have been fender benders "I avoided an old lady driving in my lane", "My dog hit the shift and it ran into someones car when I wasn't in the truck", and on and on. He was let go from his job "Because the owner and I had a disagreement about how the work should be done". We found out it was because he had become unreliable, and they couldn't trust he was telling the truth. His roommate contacted my daughter and said he borrowed her car and came home without it and that he was incoherent. I left my job ran to the house, shook him and woke him up told him he had to call the police as he hadn't done anything about the car. He became very angry, screaming at me to get out, get out, get out. And on and on it goes. Same old thing. Nothing has changed. After 10 years of loaning him money, getting his car out of impound for him, driving him to his programs, getting him cabs when I couldn't drive him.
Im sooo tired, I told him he couldn't live with me anymore. Last night he called me and tried manipulating me and when I lost it and started yelling at him to leave me alone he blamed me for his problems. I wasn't a good mother, I was deserting him and that's how people relapse, etc… My husband and I are taking care of his dog for him so he can get situated, but none of what I have done over the past 10 years has counted towards this..only the fact that he couldn't manipulate me into staying with me (and most likely squatting at my house).
My son is 28 years old. Im 57 years old. When does it stop? This is going to affect my health. Im not sleeping well again, Im constantly worried about him and my relationship with him. I went through the lying and manipulations with his father years ago before I divorced him and last night I could see his father in him.
There are no naranon groups around me, I am planning to attend some online naranon groups, but was hoping to get some support from this group.
Im 10 years in I don't know how people do this their entire lives or for many many years… it takes such a toll. There has to be a limit. Im not obligated to take care of a 28 year old man anymore!
I have a 28 year old addict also, mine is married with a 10 year old daughter. Itâs been about 10 years for me too. Never has been to rehab, refuses to go. It is physically and mentally exhausting. I just recently started with this group, I havenât been to many meetings because of my crazy schedule, but it has helped. Hang in there, we have to take care of ourselves as hard as it is. There are some great people here!
Thank you! It's so good to have someplace to let it out where people understand. Haven't heard back from my son after last nights barage of blame, but Im not in a space to call him because I feel it will start up again. I need a break. Is that awful?
I keep thinking when I was 30 with two children and asked my mother if I could move home, she said no. And I had two children! I figured it out, found a nice place to raise my children. He's a single 28 year old, without even his dog because my husband and I have the dog. I shouldn't feel guilty right? But I do!
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