I am a 33 year old home maker, mother & the wife of an addict.
My story started LONG before I met my husband though. I grew up in a home of active addiction & abuse. My parents divorced when I was 10, so now my 2 sisters & I were being raised by our mom (still in active addiction). While I didn't realize it then, the foundation was being laid to form my teen years. I was around 12 or 13 when I had my first drink, followed not long by my beginning of experimenting with various drugs. I, for the first time in my life, felt FREE! I didn't have to think of the horrible upbringing & the chaos I had been exposed to daily. Through out my teen years I used, blacked out, did things I am ashamed of. Now, around 17 I met my husband to be & where else would I have met him…..my dealers house!!!!!! While I wasn't looking for a relationship we became friends & that blossomed into the most passionate love I had ever felt. I moved in with him, we used together….we were living it up or so we thought! A few years into our relationship I found out I was pregnant so needless to say I put down EVERYTHING! Gave birth to a beautiful little boy. Not long after my son was born I began to smoke pot again, I thought it was fine. That's when I first found out that my husband had an opiate problem & had for quite some time. So I put the pot down, dedicated myself to "getting him clean". That is also when I began having sever anxiety! Skip forward a few years, our vows & some wedding rings. I thought he had it together, we had beat this. Nope, yet again I found out he was still using opiates & this time it was BAD….our finances were gone, he had borrowed & stole from people we loved to support his using. He begged me to help him get into a suboxone program & even though I despised the thought of it I did….this time he would get it! He was in the program for a year, "graduated" from it & things seemed ok. We had some money, not a lot but some. I began to relax, I became blinded again by the fairy tale I had longed for since my youth.
Now lets skip ahead, our son is now 12…I have kept him in the dark of his dad's addiction because I didn't want him to think anything bad of his dad & this time he had it, he was cured. NOPE! Again, I find out he's using. I fell completely apart. Put it in his hands, he had to figure out what he wanted for his life because I was done. He again begs me to stand by him, he's going to get into a 12 step program, go to meetings & work the program. 2 days after his pleading for me to stay we go to his dads (who is an active addict & knows of his son's predicament) immediately following our son's graduation from D.A.R.E and I see his dad slip something into his pocket! Yep, pills. Now, up to this point my son was still in the dark, I had kept my composure around him. I lost all rational thoughts, with my son in the car I attempted to leave him at his dads as they both tried to stop me from driving off, I remember being so enraged that I contemplated running my father in law over…all the while my son is in the backseat with a deer in the headlights kind of look! My husband gets in the car, a few very mean things were said by me to his dad & I sped off sobbing. Now our son knows & he and I have open communication daily on the subject. My husband has been clean for 38 days & I have attended a few meetings with him (we don't have nar anon in our area). So that's my story, or some of it anyway. I am thankful to be here, to make new friends & to continue in MY recovery.
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