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I have a brother who is a drug addict. Has been for a long time, probably 20 years. Heâs now 40. Has overdosed multiple times, has Hepatitis C and is anyoneâs guess how heâs even still here at all. Let me tell you, It has been terrible all the way around. My mother enabled him with a place to live until she passed away 5 years ago. As expected Itâs been downhill since that time. He has had periods of Sobriety through rehab, Maybe 6 months-1 year at best since my moms passing.
I recently, like an idiot, offered for him to stay at my house. Heâs homeless. Of his own doing. Heâs had multiple opportunities that he has squandered, recently obtained a long awaited inheritance over $10,000 he spent on drugs. I have a husband isnât thrilled with the idea but would probably not fight me if i let him stay. I have 3 kids 2 of which still live at home. Our youngest is 16. I told him yesterday he couldnât stay here and it was tough. I feel terrible about it. I have anxiety and trouble sleeping. I love him but I cant sacrifice my family for him. I definitely have my share of problems. Can someone please give me your honest opinion. Am I a terrible person?
Not at all. I put my husband out in the middle of a Northeast winter. I reached my enough is enough point. Not enabling is not the equivalent of abandonment, though often it feels that way. Preventing enabling at your current stage is hard. If you have time, please start coming to the online meetings here, or to a face-to-face near your home. The meetings provide an opportunity to meet others who have walked in similar shoes, gain information about addiction, and help you find a path that works for you and your family.
The online meetings are on Monday 9pm, Thursday 9pm, and Saturday 8:30 in the chatroom (all are on EST).
I have four addict siblings and have had to basically "Let Go and Let God" because I have two small children whom I need to protect. I also need to protect my own mental health and trauma from having an alcoholic father and addict siblings. Enabling your brother by providing him a home and not letting him hit his rock bottom is not what real love is all about, in fact, the terrible thing just may have been to allow him to live with you and your children when he is not in recovery. Loving yourself, your husband, and your children will never make you a terrible person. It does not mean you might not feel terrible for having to make such a difficult decision. Also, saying "No" to your brother is not saying that you don't love him. I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with a sibling addict and understand how painful it can be.
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