It has been a week since I said enough is enough. My AH and I were to move to Florida and start over. I had made all the arrangements (travel nurse job, apartment, moving etc). I should have seen the signs that he relapsed but I was so busy. I think I kept telling myself its just stress everything will be ok when we get down there and settled we will get involved in the area meetings etc. AH began to go through withdrawals the second night we were there. It was terrible I had never seen him lose his temper at our two year old like that before and then when I stepped in he turned on me. He told me he was done He couldn't live like this anymore. I of course went off and said fine if that's what you want. So, we drove 1300 miles back to his brothers house where we "regrouped" (Him promising that he will stay clean and wanting to try again). And I am embarrassed to say I decided to go back two days later from Ohio to Florida and "try" again. We both knew it would be difficult b/c we have done the withdrawals before( he said he was mentally prepared for it now), and for the sake of our family we had to try again. (little background we have been married 3 years and AH has been through 4 rehabs with approx 6months clean time in those three years). So, the second try lasted two days when AH totally flipped out and went off on our two year old again things went totally out of control from there. Then and there I decided enough is enough. I cannot do this anymore. We drove back to Ohio and I dropped him off at his sons house and I went to my parents house.
He came to see our son last Wednesday and begged and pleaded for us to make things work when I told him no that I had nothing left to give, emotionally, mentally, physically or monetarily. He went off and asked me if I have ever seen a dead man before and he pulled up his sleeve to show me where he had started shooting and I had just killed him. My heart sank as he sped off.
AH did call me from the rehab center he had been at the previous three times to let me know he was getting help. I pray the best for him and I hope this time it works, but I cannot emotionally risk that chance again.
Kim
Well, It's been four days since I posted the above. I have been to see our marriage counselor, have talked with my sponsor and been to three meetings. I have taken away from all of them to just wait. Don't make any rash decisions which I will later regret, but simply work on my recovery and take things day by day. So, just for today…..
Im am new to this so just now reading. I am going thru much of the same. My addict is using after a month in rehab but he LIES about it. Its absolutely insane..,I mean does he think I can't tell he is using? Im not sure what to do because I am SO ANGRY and I want to just confront him, kick his sorry butt out and tell him to stop ruining my life. But I know I need to not make any decisions when I am angry. BUT, lately, when you live with active addiction, am I not angry?? Its such a crazy way to live you life. I pray your life has gotten a little better Kim and that you are finding peace. I go to a NarAnon meeting one night a week (all we have in our area) but the other 6 days are a struggle….I am emotionally drained and will keep working the steps and keep the focus on myself. Good luck to all…..
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